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rheCreatKte^oman 




TOWARD PARTNERSHIP 

Building the Smallest Democracy at the Heart of Society 



SUMMER 1992 




Volume 12, No. 2, Summer 1992 



The 
Creatine 
Ionian Governors State University, University Park, IL 60466 



3193 



Published under the auspices of the provosts office, 
© 1992 governors state unrversity and helen hughes 



ISSN 0736 - 4733 



STAFF 

Helen E. Hughes, Editor 
Suzanne Oliver, Art Director 
Barbara Conant, Library Resources 
Nirmala Grutzius, Business Manager 
Lynne Hostetter, Word Processing 
Linda Kuester, Word Processing 
Priscilla Rockwell, Editorial Consultant 
Emily Wasiolek, Editorial Consultant 
Sally Petrilli, Editorial Consultant 
Kathryn Godfrey, Editorial Assistant 
Heather Ann Harder, Guest Editor 
Jane Stewart Heckman, Guest Editor 
Judith C. Kelpsas, Guest Editor 
Lisa Cacari-Stone, Guest Editor 



EDITORIAL BOARD 

Glenda Bailey-Mershon, Illinois NOW/National Organization for Women, Oak Park, IL 

Donna Bandstra, Healthgroup International, Sherman Oaks, CA 

Margaret Brady, Social Sciences, Homewood, IL 

Rev. Ellen Dohner Livingston, Religion, Unitarian Society of Ponoma Valley, CA 

Rita Durrant, League of American Penwomen, Doylestown, PA 

Deborah Garretson, Counseling, Muncie, IN 

Temmie Gilbert, Theatre/Media, Governors State University 

Linda Grace-Kobas, Journalism, University of Buffalo, NY 

Harriet Gross, Sociology/ Women's Studies, Governors State University 

Helene N. Guttman, Biological Sciences, Bethesda, MD 

Bethe Hagens, Anthropology, Governors State University 

Barbara Jenkins, Psychology, Governors State University 

Betye Saar, Fine Arts, Hollywood, CA 

Sara Shumer, Political Theory, Haverford College, PA 

Rev. Lynn Thomas Strauss, Religion,Women's Studies/ Parenting, Knoxville, TN 



PAGE TABLE OF CONTENTS 



3 Introduction The Editors 

4 Family Social Justice: Building the Smallest Democracy 

at the Heart of Society Werner Krieglstein 

9 Violence in the Family: Learning What You Live Janae B. Weinhold 

12 No More Violence Marian R. Plant 

13 Transforming the Family: A Partnership Vision Judith C. Kelpsas 

15 Behind Barbed Wire: Destruction of the Japanese-American Family 

During World War II Yoji Ozaki 

16 Are the Public Schools Ready for Change? Heather Ann Harder 

19 Partnership Parenting the Native American Way 

Adrianne Bacavis, Heather Ann Harder, Anna Sue Rominger 

21 From Cape Town to Chicago: Partnership in Progress Merlyn Judy Lawrence 

24 Partnership and Domination Models in the Law Anna Sue Rominger 

27 Why I left the Law: I Want to Teach Children to Read Dawn Scarlett 

28 Photography/ Artist's Statement Carol Thorner 

30 Mother, Maiden, Crone I Jane Stewart Heckman 

32 Mother, Maiden, Crone II: Alma Mia (My Soul) Lisa Cacari-Stone 

34 A Framework for Understanding Ecofeminism Lyn DelliQuadri 

36 The Crete Festival Story (Photographs by Marylu Raushenbush) David Loye 

41 "Bull-Dancing: An Interview on Crete, 2500 B.C." Madeleine Van Hecke 

42 "Daddy's Little Girls" Pamela Smith Schweppe 

46 Book Review, Surviving the Wreck by Susan Osborn Reviewed by Patte Wheat LeVan 

48 Book Review, A Woman's Place by Rex Denver Borough Reviewed by Helen E. Hughes 

52 Letters to the Editor Barbara Jenkins; Ann Forfreedom 

54 Editor's Column 




The Creative Woman is published three times a year by Governors 
State University. We focus on a special topic in each issue, presented 
from a feminist perspective. We celebrate the creative achievements of 
women in many fields and appeal to inquiring minds. We publish 
fiction, poetry, book reviews, articles, photography and original graphics. 



Cover: Official United Nations symbol for the 
International Year of the Family. See page 8 for 
description and further information. 



INTRODUCTION 



J 



A PARTNERSHIP SOCIETY 

The thinking and the writing reflected here are 
contributions to understanding and creating a 
partnership society. 

As this issue was 
being developed, 
the attention of 
the nation was 
fixed on the cycle 
of violence that 
was occurring in 
Los Angeles. 
Some of the 
images were 
frightening, some 
were poignant, 
some inspiring. 
And as people 
around the 
country began to 
respond, their 
responses were 
echoes of the 
contributions 
here — the role of 
the family as the 
heart of social 
change, the 
importance of 
global perspec- 
tive, the signifi- 
cance of social 
justice in the 
establishment of 
real change, the 

task of those women and men who represent and 
express the values of life-giving power. 

Within these articles are the beginning of a new 
vocabulary, and with that the redefinition of our- 
selves in the world. Riane Eisler provided the 
unifying principle of partnership with the publica- 
tion of The Chalice and the Blade. Her generative 
book, cited by many of our writers, has given us a 
focus for this special issue on the Family. Current 
action projects are underway, to bring the dream 




into reality. See David Loye's story of the Interna- 
tional Partnership Festival, with Marylu 
Raushenbush's photographs of the planning meet- 
ings. Our task now is to employ these principles in 
our relationships to one another and to the planet. 

Fortuitously, the United Nations International Year 

of the Family, set 
for 1994, pro- 
vides the other 
focus for this 
issue. The prob- 
lems and the 
solutions know 
no borders in 
this global 
village. Our 
writers bring 
you their special 
geographic and 
ethnic perspec- 
tives, including 
the accents, or 
flavors, of Ger- 
many, Japan, 
Native America, 
South Africa, 
Mexico, Greece 
and Israel. Their 
fields include 
social work, law, 
philosophy, 
sociology, 
psychotherapy, 
the ministry, 
education, and 
ecology. 

Note also the creative writing of Pamela Smith 
Schweppe and Madeleine Van Hecke, the photo- 
graphs of Carol Thorner, and book reviews. Then 
ask yourself, What can I do to bring us all closer to 
improved family relationships, to end violence and 
abuse in intimate relationships, and thus take a 
fundamental step toward world peace? 

The Editors 



FAMILY SOCIAL JUSTICE 

Building The Smallest Democracy At The 
Heart Of Society 

Werner Krieglstein 




Werner and Maryann Krieglstein Photo credit: E. Altman Terry 

"By the time a child learns that democracy, equal- 
ity, and individual freedom are the cornerstones of 
our society, he or she has often experienced in- 
equality, domination and outright oppression on 
many levels." 

This idea was verbalized by our oldest son, Robin. 
He was one of some twenty students in a class on 
Family Social Justice that my wife Maryann and I 
developed and taught in the spring of 1991 at the 
College of DuPage. My wife is an instructor in 
sociology, teaching classes on human sexuality, 
relationships and family, and I am a professor of 
philosophy and religious studies. 

As my wife and I prepared for this course in which 
we tried to combine philosophical concepts of 
justice with the practical learning of these ideas we 
realized that the idea of domination was central to 
any success in teaching this course. If domination is 
indeed learned behavior, and not part of human 
nature, as our traditional theories would like us to 



believe, we had to look back into our own lives and 
reflect on how each one of us had learned domina- 
tion. We had to ask us how we, my wife and I, as 
two separate individuals, had come to understand 
true partnership as freedom from domination. Each 
of us had to search in our upbringing for those 
experiences that brought us 
closer to realizing a domina- 
tion free relationship within 
the family we eventually were 
to create and manage together. 
This search became part of the 
content of our class. In sharing 
our stories with our students 
we hoped to give them an 
insight into their own situa- 
tions, their dependencies and 
patterns of domination. By 
letting them take part in our 
search and in the ongoing 
process of raising our five 
children we hoped to provide 
guidance for them on their 
own personal paths to partner- 
ship. 

From the onset it was clear 
that Maryann's role was 
distinctly different from mine. 
As a sociologist and human service worker hers 
was to provide practical guidelines and hands-on 
material that would help students in their decision- 
making process. How to explore one's own sexual- 
ity, how to choose a partner, how to recognize early 
signs of abuse in a relationship were some of the 
topics she would address in a very practical step- 
by-step manner. Her part of the focus in the course 
thus invited our students to take part in the ongo- 
ing search and analysis of traditional and emerging 
patterns of sexuality, marriage and the family. She 
was going to investigate child-rearing patterns 
from a multi-cultural perspective. The course 
would explore aspects of marital dynamics, expres- 
siveness, marital power, conflict, family violence, 
divorce and the later years of marriage. 

The goal, of course, was to help students in finding 
their own way to build "the smallest democracy at 
the heart of society" in their own families. 

My role as philosopher was to analyze current 
patterns of family and social practice and through 
historical analysis provide a critique in order to 



rectify the domination centered model that rules 
most families today. In other words, my job was to 
find an answer to my son's observation that most 
children today, before they learn the word democ- 
racy, have experienced such an abundance of 
domination that breaking away from the prevailing 
dominator model often seems a Utopian, if not 
impossible task. 

Without being able to go into all the philosophical 
historical details that are responsible for the preva- 
lent dominator model in most current social struc- 
tures, I will try to sketch out my own background, 
my path from domination to partnership. Similar to 
the way I approached the analytical part of the 
course, I will recount here the steps of my develop- 
ment that helped me to eventually realize that 
partnership was the only true way to happiness for 
each individual and for the future of all human- 
kind. 

Looking over my life I realized that this search for a 
domination-free world had been, from early on, the 
center of my vision as a philosopher and artist. 
Freedom from domination, be this in a small 
community of friends, within my family or within 
my extended family of artists remains my central 
dream, which today includes all of humanity and 
all creatures on earth, even earth itself. 

As a philosopher I learned to understand the world 
analytically, as an artist I experienced its whole- 
ness. But long before I learned to understand the 
difference between a narrative and a rational, 
analytical approach, I learned how to practice both. 
I was on stage when I was only five years old, and - 
for all practical purposes - never left it. Theater has 
remained a deep love of my life. Teaching became 
its natural extension. 

I was brought up in a village in Germany shortly 
after World War H A village farmer, who in his 
youth wanted to become a professional actor, but 
was not allowed to do so by his family, became my 
first mentor. This old man who loved theater and 
the land with equal passion, collected us young 
people around him and taught us the craft of acting 
and the love for the stage. 

To some extent I was spared the scorn of a self- 
critical, self-reflective and analytical education. 
Even the science I learned was not cold, spiteful of 
emotions and indifferent. Perhaps it all goes back 
to the fact that love was plentiful and surrounded 



me during my early years. 

After my father died in the war, I was brought up 
by three women. During the hard post-war years 
my mother supported us by working as a farm- 
hand; she was not around much, though her love 
and care were always present. My grandmother 
and her sister were the chief models of my early 
childhood. From them I learned the feminine ways 
to resolve conflicts, not by authority, logic or force, 
but by negotiation, compromise and respect. In my 
teachers I always saw the person first, and only 
later the subject they taught. 

Even philosophy was taught to me more through 
emotional commitment than through the validity of 
an argument. My first philosophy teacher was a 
mystic. Truth for him was not the result of logical 
deduction, but of vision and experience. Logic and 
mathematics for him were tools to grasp truth and 
to support it, but not to find it. Finding truth was 
not an act of diligent work alone, but it was some- 
how connected with creation, bliss and faith. 
Lacking a male model in my immediate family, this 
mystic philosopher, a teacher of mine all through 
my formative years in gymnasium, became my 
second male mentor. 

At the university, in Frankfurt, I did not study the 
truth of science but the truth of critique. The Frank- 
furt School of philosophy taught me to combine 
analytical thinking and creativity. I made the 
decision to be a philosopher and an artist, and I 
have been able to fulfill this dream to this day. 
Through my work with a socialist theater group in 
Frankfurt I became inspired to aim for community 
and cooperative creative work in my future life. 

Many years later, in the early eighties, while living 
and working on an organic farm in Michigan, I was 
able to fulfill many of my cooperative dreams of 
team directing and ensemble creativity. 

At the same time I had entered a new phase in my 
life. I got married and had a family. From my wife 
Maryann I learned a new lesson in partnership 
living. A proud and independent woman, a com- 
munity organizer by profession, Maryann was not 
going to play the traditional, subordinate role of 
housewife and mother. Maryann's mother died 
when she was four years old, and she was brought 
up by her father. Though she was expected by her 
hard-working father to fill the gap in the family 
created by the loss of a mother, this did not instill 



in her the dependency model of the traditional 
family in which the woman plays a subordinate 
role. 

Much could be said here about how we shared 
parental duties, while travelling in Africa, or while 
living on our farm in Michigan. Through trial and 
tribulation we learned that a domination-free 
relationship between marital partners is possible. I 
began to theorize that such a domination-free 
family model indeed may be the much-searched- 
for foundation of a domination-free society. 

An important theoretical difficulty remained. At 
Frankfurt I had been taught that the very awaken- 
ing of the human self was the cause for the estab- 
lishment of domination. Professor Adorno had 
traced domination back to the historical beginnings 
of individuality. Domination was seen by my 
teachers as part of the condition of the human self. 
The Frankfurt School indeed connected domination 
with the very root of the human instinct to survive. 
"Was this, then, an ontological fact that could not 
be eliminated without losing the self?" 1 This was 
one of the key questions I struggled with when I 
wrote my first philosophical book, The Dice-Playing 
God. 

At this point in my life I had experienced partner- 
ship and domination-free relationships on several 
levels. In the Whole Art Theater we managed, by 
and large, to create plays cooperatively. I had 
successfully experimented with cooperative cre- 
ativity in elementary schools, doing creative dra- 
matics with small groups of children. 

In my family I practiced everyday how being a 
father did not need to mean being the threatening 
authority who only handles discipline problems in 
the family, a breadwinner who returns home in the 
evening and whose domineering strength even 
imposes his will over distance. I was lucky to do 
most of my work right at home, on the farm. I had 
my children with me on the tractor or in the barn, 
and they learned much about life by working with 
me, the way many hundreds of generations of 
agriculturally based people had done before. The 
joy and the sweat of life was something our chil- 
dren experienced directly, not from the distorted 
world of television. As our five boys, one by one, 
were born, home delivered by midwives on the 
farm, we lived and enjoyed the evolving drama of 
life. But I also analyzed its deeper connections. 



With my wife I took classes in the art of natural 
childbirth, and I was actively present at the birth of 
all five of our children. It seemed to me that there 
were similarities between the techniques of 
childbearing and delivery and the techniques of 
meditation or the mime instruction I had learned in 
theater. 

Slowly I developed a dialectical model of mimetic 
aesthetic to theoretically explain the complex issues 
connected with the beginning of life at birth. We 
began to view the standard delivery of a child in a 
hospital, often connected with anesthesia for the 
mother, as a domineering male model of childbirth. 
Technology itself, triumphant, appeared as the 
male-directed overemphasis on control and domi- 
nation. Natural childbirth in contrast emphasizes 
the dialectics of mind and body, letting the genetic 
wisdom of physical nature rather than a doctor's 
diagnosis, planning, or convenience take the lead. 
The role of the father in this process is that of a 
coach, an observer, a conscious helper, not a direc- 
tor, operator or god. Childbirth became for us an 
artistic expression of the living dialectic, the cre- 
ative force of the unity of mind and body at work- 
in spite of all these wonderful experiences, I re- 
mained rather unreconciled on a theoretical level. 

Was the dialectic model of alternating between 
opposites condemned to remain a mere patch- 
work? In other words, if in a relationship one 
partner gave up being the dominator, would the 
other partner necessarily assume this role? Was this 
true for society at large? If one class lost the will to 
power, would another class necessarily be moving 
into this vacuum and take over? Even in the most 
democratic models of social coexistence, where a 
structure was established to alternate power, 
would not eventually the structure itself assume 
the role of dominator? If indeed history shows that 
individuality is always coupled with domination, 
this would indicate that a truly domination-free 
model of human coexistence was a Utopian ideal, 
perhaps never to be fully realized. 

Two important discoveries during the eighties have 
fundamentally changed my philosophical dis- 
course on domination. Archaeologists and anthro- 
pologists have positively confirmed that human 
beings lived in cooperative partnership for many 
thousands of years, before the dominator model 
took over. Especially the Minoan culture centered 



on the Island of Crete was one of the longest sur- 
viving civilizations in which men and women lived 
in partnership. As Riane Eisler in her ground 
breaking book The Chalice and the Blade concluded, 
this civilization was characterized by non-violence, 
equality of the sexes and a generally peaceful co- 
existence coupled with an artistic and pleasurable 
life and great technological advances. 

In these early societies, according to Eisler, the life- 
giving powers of women played an important part. 
Their social structures were characterized by 
linking rather than by ranking. In their religious 
worship these early people celebrated the Mother 
Goddess as the source of all forms of life. 2 In her 
extensive work Eisler researched the transition 
from this early partnership model to the still preva- 
lent dominator model and found a parallel in the 
institution of the masculine God as the highest 
principle of the dominator model. She successfully 
points out how during the early Greek period 
mythology was altered to reflect the new male 
dominance, and how the Greek philosophers tried 
but failed in their attempt to regain the Golden Age 
by calling on the reasonability of all men. They 
failed precisely because they excluded women in 
this enterprise, and with that they already reflected 
the male dominance of the new society. Their quest 
for the universality of reason would eventually 
result in the domination of technical rationality 
over the rest of creation, as it is so dangerously 
practiced in the modern world. 

Riane Eisler's theoretical work of research and 
discovery filled me with hope that power is neither 
the only nor the highest of human achievements, 
but only a temporary deviation, and that true 
partnership between human beings is a distinct 
possibility. It is no longer merely a Utopian dream, 
but has been documented as a realizable goal in 
human development. Moreover Eisler has pin- 
pointed the causes of the dominator detour. I no 
longer needed to view our own experiment and 
experience of a partnership family as somewhat of 
an anomaly. Our model of living together, our way 
of living and creating had been vindicated by new 
scientific discoveries. 

The second major development is linked to recent 
discoveries in science. In my book The Dice-Playing 
God I outlined the course of modern science in the 
twentieth century as it relates to philosophical 
thinking. I demonstrated that quantum physics, 



Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and the relativ- 
istic position of the observer in scientific experi- 
ments vindicated Hegelian dialectics and that 
indeed, Hegelian dialectics should be adopted as 
the language of the dice-playing god. 

The more recent development of Chaos theory 
added an important new dimension to this already 
exciting verification. For the first time, the contra- 
dictory state of the world as a whole became a 
consistent component of a major theory of science. 
Through Chaos theory far reaching implications of 
the uncertainty principle were extended to cover 
the macro world as well. 

Chaos theory was first discovered in physics, but 
soon inspired research in other sciences, namely 
biology, sociology, psychology and even econom- 
ics. The description of self-organizing systems in 
chemistry and biology led to a more daring cosmo- 
logical model of a self-organizing universe. 3 In 
modern times Darwin's concept of the survival of 
the fittest had provided the backdrop for a relent- 
less insistence on the dominator principle. This 
powerful principle was used to justify domination 
as a fact of survival not only of the human species 
but in all of living nature. Chaos theorists exposed 
this theory as a selective view at best, inspired by 
the wish to find and justify male domination. These 
scientists point out that in biological nature many 
cooperative systems survived while competitive 
systems perished. This is not only true for single 
systems, but also for harmonic cooperation among 
systems. Thus the idea developed that a humanity, 
if built solely on competition, may well be on the 
road to extinction. 

Finally a theoretical framework exists to reorganize 
our understanding of "basic human nature" as part 
of all of nature. In setting ourselves apart from the 
natural world, it appears now that we humans 
have constructed an ever increasing abstraction 
concerning our position in the universe. By putting 
order as a principle above all else, we have denied 
ourselves our natural heritage of emotional attach- 
ment to the ever-changing and evolving cycles of 
nature. We have constructed a separate mission for 
ourselves, and have supported this mission by 
religious and metaphysical fanaticism, which 
justified our relentless domination over everything 
else, including the domination of men over women. 

A new era of rethinking, remything is at hand, 
similar to the times of Homer, Pythagoras and the 



other great Greek philosophers. This new Renais- 
sance will reformulate the religious/philosophical 
myth of the human being. 

At the center of this new myth will remain, we 
hope, the human family in all its colorful varia- 
tions. The family as the smallest building block of a 
democratic society will also be the most vital 
cornerstone in the never ending process of building 
a domination - free world. 



1. Werner Krieglstein, The Dice-Playing God, Reflections on Life in 
a Post-Modern Age, (New York/London: University Press of 
America 1991). 

2. Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade, (San Francisco: Harper 
and Row 1988) . 

3. Paul Davies, God and the New Physics,(New York: Simon and 
Schuster, 1983). 



Maryann and Werner Krieglstein have five sons, ages seven to 
twenty. The Krieglsteins live in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. Both are 
Professors at the College of DuPage. Werner teaches 
Philosophy and Religious Studies, Maryann teaches Sociology 
and Human Services. 

Werner was born in Czechoslovakia and educated at the 
Goethe University in Frankfurt, the Freie University in Berlin, 
and the University of Chicago, from where he received a Ph.D. 
while on a Fulbright scholarship. 

Maryann was born in Chicago and educated at Mundelein 
College and the University of Illinois at Chicago. She earned a 
Masters Degree in Social Work from the Jane Addams School 
of Social Work. 

During the Seventies the Krieglsteins lived in Finland, where 
Werner taught at the University of Helsinki. Another 
important milestone in their lives was the operation of an 
organic farm in Michigan during the Eighties, "an ideal place 
to raise a family." The desire to take part in the academic 
dialogue and the needs of the family convinced them to move 
back to the city. 



1994 - International Year of the Family 

The official emblem for the Year was designed by 
Catherine Littsay-Rollier, a Swiss artist living in 
Vienna. She has created an image of "a heart 
sheltered by a roof, linked by another heart, to 
symbolize life and love in the home where one 
finds warmth, caring, security, togetherness, 
tolerance and acceptance. The open design is 
meant to indicate continuity with a hint of uncer- 
tainty. The brush stroke, with the open line roof, 
completes an abstract symbol representing the 
complexity of the family, viewed as the building 
block of society." (Pamphlet, pg. 34: "1994 Interna- 
tional Year of the Family," United Nations, 
Vienna, 1991.) For permission to use the IYF logo, 
and for a copy of the pamphlet which outlines 
principles, objectives, programs, Secretariat and 
Volunteer Fund for IYF, contact IYF Coordinator: 
Henryk Sokalski, United Nations, CSDHA, P.O. 
Box 500, A-1400 Vienna, Austria. 

Other contacts: 

Jane Carney Schulze, Coordinator, North Americas for IYF, P.O. Box 15381, San Diego, CA 92175, Tel. 
619/286-5050. This is a nation-wide support organization for IYF made up of non-governmental organi- 
zations (NGOs). Their goal is to coordinate IYF work in the USA and to network with Canada's NGOs 
as well. Persons interested in the IYF should write President Bush with a copy to Secretary of Health 
and Human Services, Louis W. Sullivan, urging them to appoint an official IYF U.S. government com- 
mittee to spearhead action in the United States. Write: President George Bush, White House, Washing- 
ton, D.C. 20500, and Secretary Louis Sullivan, Health and Human Services, 200 Independence Avenue, 
SW. Washington, D.C. 20201. 

Jane Heckman and Jo Duren-Sampson, West Suburban Peace Action Network, C/O Bethany Semi- 
nary, Butterf ield and Meyers Road, Oak Brook, IL 60521, Tel. 708/627-2233. This group, in contact 
with Henryk Sokalski and the Weinholds in Vienna, and Jane Carey Schultz in San Diego, is helping to 
explore options for establishing a UN North America Regional Centre for Family Studies in the Chicago 
Metropolitan Area. They welcome your inquiries and suggestions. J.S.H. 




VIOLENCE IN THE FAMILY: 
LEARNING WHAT YOU LIVE 

Janae B. Weinhold 



If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. 

If a child lives with criticism, she learns to condemn. 

These words from Dorothy Law Nolte's famous 
poem, "Children Learn What They Live," can be 
extended to include: 

If a child lives with violence, s/he learns to be a violent 
parent. 

We believe that very few parents welcome a child 
in their lives anticipating that they will become 
violent or abusive toward that child. Most see the 
newborn as innocent and lovable and fantasize in 
the early days and weeks about the happy days 
ahead. With such good intentions, why is it that a 
large number of parents later display violence and 
abuse toward this innocent and lovable child? Why 
are they not able to maintain this attitude of love 
and affection in their parenting of a child? What is 
it inside of many parents that causes this dramatic 
and destructive shift? 

The answers to these questions involve many 
complex social, cultural, economic, political and 
psychological problems that have contributed to 
the breakdown of families and contribute to vio- 
lence and abuse in families. These problems 
include the breakdown of the extended family; 
high divorce rates; inadequate day care; the lack of 
effective parental education programs; the eco- 
nomic, political and psychological domination of 
women and children by men and masculine values; 
the lack of meaningful work; chronic unemploy- 
ment; underfunded social welfare programs; 
alienation and loneliness. 

Family Violence 

The United States may have one of the most violent 
and abusive family systems on earth. Witness the 
following statistics gathered by the American 
Humane Association in Denver, Colorado and 
from a recent article by Lloyd De Mause in the 
Journal of Psychohistory: l 

Over 2.4 million children were reported as victims 
of child abuse in 1989. 




Janae Weinhold 



Six of ten adult women have experienced sexual 
abuse as children. De Mause, 1991 

45% of adult men have experienced sexual abuse as 
children. De Mause, 1991 

Over 40 % of all children have been physically or 
sexually abused by their parents (statistics on 
emotional abuse are not available) 

80% of all incarcerated criminals were abused as 
children. 

95% of all death row criminals were abused as 
children. 

95 % of all prostitutes were sexually abused as 
children. 

60% of all abused children suffer from serious 
physical illnesses during infancy. 

50% of all abused children were malnourished or 
were failure to thrive children as infants. 

Studies such as those by pediatric researchers 
Klaus and Kennel have consistently shown that 
parents who are well-bonded to their children 
seldom abuse them. Bonding, which begins imme- 
diately after birth, happens optimally if both 
parents are able to stay home with the child. Paid 
maternity leave for working women is mandated in 
more than 100 countries. The U.S. is one of the few 



industrial nations that has no national family leave 
policy and efforts to create such legislation have 
been highly controversial. According to psycholo- 
gist Ken Magid in his book, High Risk: Children 
Without a Conscience, this devaluing of family life in 
favor of economic values has been a major source 
of disintegrating families and the dramatic increase 
of psychopathic and sociopathic behaviors in 
children and young adults. 

Socioeconomic Influences 

Exploitation of women and children in the Western 
world during the past three hundred years has 
been an integral part of the drive for industrializa- 
tion. Both were often forced to work long hours in 
highly toxic environments for very low wages. 
Before the Women's Rights Movement in this 
century, women were not allowed to own property, 
to vote or to determine their own destiny. 

In more contemporary times oppression toward 
women and children is expressed as domestic 
violence. Super Bowl Sunday now ranks as the day 
with the highest reported level of wife battering 
during the entire year. The highest levels of wife- 
battering and family violence are in communities 
where there are large military bases, such as Colo- 
rado Springs and cities surrounding Ft. Hood, 
Texas. In communities which are dominated by the 
military, families exist within a social context of 
institutionalized violence. No one is sure of the 
amount of unreported violence in communities 
with large numbers of military families or how this 
aura of violence spreads outward into non-military 
homes. 

Television is another prime source of training in 
violence for both adults and children. Long term 
research by the American Psychological Associa- 
tion and others report television programming as a 
dominant and disturbing influence on the psyche 
of Americans. Watched most by the youngest and 
oldest Americans, women and minorities, the APA 
cites television viewing as a major contributor to 
antisocial behavior, gender and racial stereotyping 
and desensitization to violence. By the age of 13, 
the average child has viewed 8700 murders and 
160,000 violent acts on television. 

Cultural Influences 

Violence in the family and society exists within an 
even larger global culture based on dominator 



values. This culture, described by Riane Eisler in 
The Chalice and the Blade has been in existence since 
about 3000 to 1500 B.C.E. This hierarchical culture 
uses violence and the threat of violence to enforce a 
system of domination which places women and 
children at the bottom of the ladder, making them 
the most common targets of anger and hostility. 
From this perspective, it is possible to see that the 
family system and the social system both exist 
within a larger cultural system that supports 
violence at all levels. This means that plans to 
address this violence must be global in nature, 
systems-based and begin with the family. 

Families are the optimal place to teach democratic 
values and behaviors, because it is in families that 
the vicious cycle of violence and domination is 
handed down to the next generation. To bring 
about a global shift in family values requires an 
international campaign to bring awareness of the 
problems and resources for addressing them. Such 
a campaign is now under way. 

The International Year of the Family: Building the 
Smallest Democracy at the Heart of Society. 

The United Nations has declared 1994 as the Inter- 
national Year of the Family (IYF). This event is part 
of a sustained long-term effort to stimulate local, 
national and international actions highlighting the 
importance of families in addressing global prob- 
lems resulting from 5000 years of a dominator 
culture. The breakdown of the family, the collapse 
of Communist political systems and the ecological 
crisis are all symptoms of a rapidly crumbling 
patriarchal system that provides a unique opportu- 
nity to build new democratic family structures. 

It is in the family that people can best learn demo- 
cratic values that support peacemaking, life-giving 
nurturing, cooperation and partnering. When 
couples are able to integrate these values into their 
relationship and then into their family system, it is 
more likely that they will then want to integrate 
them into their schools, churches, medical systems 
and governments. This basic change in values at 
the family level can ripple out and change the 
world. 

At a recent planning conference for the IYF at the 
U.N. University of Peace in Costa Rica, participants 
agreed that 'The roots of global violence are in the 
family; therefore the seeds of global peace are also 
in the family." Only when enough people become 






10 



aware of the source of the problem, can a global 
program of change begin.To become involved in 
IYF activities in your city or region contact the 
coordinator at the United Nations Vienna office: 

Mr. Henry Sakalski 

United Nations 

CSDHA 

P.O. Box 500 

A-1400 Vienna, Austria 

Tel. 011-431-211-31-4223 

or: North Americans for the International Year 

of the Family NA-IYF 1994 

P.O. Box 15381 

San Diego, C A 92175. 

619/286-5050 FAX 619/495-7050 

or: To explore options for establishing a UN 

North American Regional Centre for Family 

Studies in the Metropolitan Chicago Area, 

contact: Jane Heckman 

20 W. 533 Edgewood Road 

Lombard, IL 60148 

708/627-223 

Healing the World 

Only by healing the wounds of violence and domi- 
nation from our family of origin can we stop the 
vicious cycle of violence and domination in the 
world. Parents who deny the emotional neglect, 
abandonment or abuse they experienced as a child 
and have not remembered their feelings connected 
to these experiences, will unwittingly pass them on 
to their children in the name of "good parenting". 

Helping parents stop this cycle will require an 
enormous commitment of resources. The Costa 
Rica Planning Conference for the IYF made the 
following recommendations: 

1. All governmental legislation and policies will 
need to be reviewed by a cabinet level advisor to 
address the impact on family life. 

2. Legislated parental leave policies. 

3. Better sex education for young adults. 

4. Better day care, free or low-cost parental educa- 
tion. 

5. Better adoption procedures. 

6. The creation of family support centers in schools 
and churches. 



7. The reduction of violence in television and 
movies. 

8. Conflict resolution programs in schools and 
businesses. 

9. Low-cost health care and insurance. Funds for 
such a massive program will require that military 
budget commitments will have to be redirected to 
address the problems within the family. When 
families make the shift from domination and 
violence to partnering and peacemaking, there will 
be no need for weapons and children will live in 
families where the other lines of Dorothy Law 
Nolte's poem are true: 

If a child lives with approval, s/he learns to like her I 
himself. 

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, s/he 
learns to find love in the world. 



1. The psychohistorical approach is spurred by its 
understanding of how societies evolve from families. Families 
raise and care for their young, thus transmitting through 
behavior and attitudes their life giving/life destroying values, 
p. 253, Journal of Psychohistory, Fall, 1991, in review of book: 
The "Slaughter of the Innocents" by Sander J. Breiner, reviewed 
by Jacqueline S. Paulsen. 



Dr. Janae Weinhold is a psychotherapist and instructor at the 
University of Colorado, Colorado Springs. She and her 
husband /partner Dr. Barry Weinhold, co-direct the Colorado 
Institute for Conflict Resolution and Creative Leadership and 
the Family Training Center in Colorado Springs. In August 
1992 they are moving to Vienna, Austria to live in order to 
assist the United Nations in preparations for the International 
Year of the Family. 



NO MORE VIOLENCE 



Rev. Marian R. Plant 



Did you know more women are injured as a result 
of domestic violence than from rape, muggings and 
auto accidents combined? That child abuse and 
serious neglect is 1500% higher in homes where the 
mother is being abused? That 10 women a day die 
in the U.S. from domestic violence? That 200 
women in Illinois die each year from domestic 
violence? That of the 18 homicides that occurred in 
DuPage County during the first ten months of 1991, 
14 of the 18 have been attributed to domestic 
violence? That Family Shelter Service here in Glen 
Ellyn has responded through their Victim Advo- 
cates to 1553 police calls in the past four months? 
That over 50% of the children who stay in our 
Family Shelter Service are under the age of five? 

Then there is rape in and of itself. In 1990, over 
100,000 rapes were reported to law enforcement 
officials across the U.S. Twelve rapes occurred 
every hour, one rape occurred every five minutes. 
Four separate groups of investigators found that 
20% of all adult women (that's 1 in 5) are raped in 
their lifetimes. American women are eight times 
more likely to be raped than European women and 
26 times more likely than Japanese women. About 
80% of all victims know the assailants; 39% of 
rapists are husbands, partners or relatives. 

Finally in terms of sexual assault, 1 in 4 girls and, 
for the record, 1 in 6-7 boys will be/are sexually 
abused by the time they are 18. 

I want to know why we are having to train our 
young women, some of them barely through junior 
high, about date rape and acquaintance rape? What 
are we instilling in our sons, in heaven's name, that 
should make such training for young women 
necessary? And don't any of you dare to blame it 
solely on TV, the movies, MTV, or the like. If you 
know all that stuff is out there for the young of our 
society to ingest and internalize, what are you 
doing to counter its impact? Does anybody look 
their son in the eye and say, "I know you see it on 
TV and at the movies, BUT IT'S WRONG." If s 
wrong to expect a woman or a girl to give in and 
put out, just because you want it. It's wrong to 
force a kiss, tell her she means yes when she says 
no, and even CONSIDER continuing an embrace 



because you can out-muscle her. Women are not 
"babes". They are women. They are not Old 
Milwaukee's warped image of a Swedish bikini 
team. They are one half (if not a little more) of all 
humanity. They are not fluff heads, toys, or 
anyone's property. They are God's, created equally 
human, equally wonderful, equally free, with the 
inalienable right to equal safety and respect. 

Fathers, grandfathers, uncles, coaches, teachers, 
friends... be mindful of the violence you teach by 
what you don't say as well as by what you do say. 
And be mindful of the violence you allow to con- 
tinue by your silence as a gender. Until you de- 
mand that violence against women and against 
their children be stopped, until you stop tolerating 
aggressive, destructive language, denigrating 
innuendo, and bragging about the way other men 
"keep their women in line," or what women are 
good for, the violence will not stop. Every woman 
alive needs your help. And they, we, need it now. 
You who were raised and who have chosen to live 
decent, supportive, respecting lives.. .you who have 
desired and enjoyed healthy, mutually caring 
relationships with wives and other female family 
members and friends... you are the ones who can 
make all the difference in the world. 



Excerted from a pulpit address by Rev. Plant, First 
Congregational Church of Glen Ellyn, January 12, 1992. 




1994 IiilernationalYearoftheFaniily 
Ano£e Internationale de la famille 
Ano International de b Familia 
MewyryHapooHbiii roq cetva-w 

mmmm 



12 




TRANSFORMING THE FAMILY: 
A PARTNERSHIP VISION 

Judith C. Kelpsas 

Families are where 
we learn life. In 
families our most 
essential needs are 
either fulfilled or 
ignored, relationships 
are seen as co-opera- 
tive or competitive, 
and the world is 
introduced to us as 
responsive or hostile. 
Our beliefs are 
established. 

As the smallest 
cultural community, 
families both repre- 
sent and sustain the values of the culture at large; 
when cultural change is occurring, families reflect 
it. And at times like the present, when the choice of 
direction in cultural evolution is crucial, families 
are at the heart of the potential for change. 

The concept of partnership, as articulated by Riane 
Eisler in The Chalice and the Blade, has profound 
implications for the structure and process of fami- 
lies. Partnership calls for a change in our values 
regarding human development, a change in our 
beliefs about the expression of relationships, and a 
change in our outlook on the nature of the world. 
How would these be different if families reflected 
this partnership philosophy? 

One of the most meaningful elements of a partner- 
ship family is the idea of interdependence Interde- 
pendence is the reconciliation of independence 
with dependence, so that each individual's desire 
for both separation and connection is respected. In 
a family where interdependence is valued, both 
girls and boys can be strong as well as vulnerable, 
instead of having to choose between the two. In a 
partnership family, individuals can express their 
fears and doubts, and ask for support without 
shame or fear of ridicule. Both women and men can 
be encouraged to develop as individuals while still 
taking time to maintain connections with others. 



Families as a unit can value their autonomy and 
privacy while still maintaining their connection to 
other families, the community and the culture. The 
current clash between traditional "masculine" 
independence and traditional "feminine" depen- 
dence would be replaced with the certainty that 
healthy human development must balance both. 

The second concept that is central to the partner- 
ship family is that of cooperation . Our culture is 
competition-oriented. The assumption is that we 
are vying with each other for resources, whether 
emotional or financial, that there is a scarcity of 
these resources, and that we cannot count on one 
another to share them. In families that struggle 
because of individual limitations, lack of economic 
resources, or isolation from community support, 
children and parents alike learn to cope by using 
this competitive model. The cooperative family, on 
the other hand, develops through the belief that 
working together is the most effective way to 
satisfy important needs without doing violence to 
the relationship. Competition for scarce resources is 
replaced by creativity in redistributing resources. 
Money and the things it buys would be accessible 
to each person according to their need, not accord- 
ing to their power. Each person's uniqueness and 
contribution are respected; each person's needs and 
vulnerabilities are acknowledged. The family, 
especially the adults who are at work in the world, 
act together to call for supportive government 
policies, business ethics, legal remedies and other 
cultural changes that will empower families when 
resources are utilized for human development 
rather than human destruction. 

If domination and competition could be replaced 
by interdependence and cooperation, how will we 
advance? How will we organize? How, indeed, will 
anything get done? We are so conditioned to a 
system where there are superiors and inferiors, and 
where superior positions are gained as a result of 
violence, manipulation, oppression, discrimination 
and abuse of power, that we can scarcely visualize 
anything else. A pivotal concept within the idea of 
partnership provides a hopeful alternative — the 
notion of le gitimate authority . Instead of authority 
in the family being based on power, control and 
threat of violence, legitimate authority would be 
based on the ability to inspire, encourage and 
guide. Wisdom and courage would direct the 
partnership family, with no place for force and 



13 



exploitation. The value system that promotes 
legitimate authority is one that values each 
person's reality as a contribution to the truth, and 
fosters each person's expression of that reality. In 
the partnership family, noone's voice is silenced. 
Experience and insight are honored; the life-sus- 
taining skills of emotional expression, competence, 
vision and community are prized. In this way, 
legitimate authority resides with the person or 
persons whose skills best reflect the care and 
development of that family. It is a concept of 
leadership by love. 

As research on human development continues, and 
a new awareness of the power of cultural context 
arises, the transformation of the family system from 
a dominator to a partnership model is of crucial 
concern. Many of the values that support partner- 
ship in families are already within reach. They are 
evident where couples decide to create a mutual 



relationship rather than a superior-inferior one. 
They are clear in the practice of positive discipline 
for children, which allows the developing child to 
maintain self-esteem and build confidence in ways 
that traditional force and control cannot. And they 
are apparent in the growing realization that the 
health of the family is intimately tied to the health 
of the culture. 

Embracing these values and supporting the idea of 
a partnership family are vital steps toward forming 
the direction of a safer, healthier and more peaceful 
world. 



Judith C. Kelpsas is a psychotherapist, teacher, trainer and 
consultant with Transitions: Associates in Psychotherapy in 
Oak Park, IL. She is a member of the Chicago Center for 
Partnership 



16TH 

ANNUAL 

iwum§ 

WRITERS 1 

CONFERENCE 

Illinois Wesleyan University 



Fiction 

Ellen Hunnicutt, Fred Shafer, 
Sharon Fiffer 

Poetry 

James Elledge, Martha Vertreace, 
Kevin Stein 

Children/Youth 

Patricia Hermes, Bobette McCarthy, 
Sandy Asher 

Nonflction 
Michael Dorman, Garlinda Burton 

Agents 

Dorothy Markinko, Mcintosh & Otis 
Christina Ward, C Ward Agency 

Editors 
Roger Scholl, John Wiley & Sons 
Tracy J. Gates, Crown, 
Sharon Fiffer, Other Voices 
Fred Shafer, TriQuarterly 



APPLICATION FORM 



City State Zip 

Phone (area code) 

PLEASE CHECK (•) APPROPRIATE SPACES 

plan to submit 2 copies of each manuscript by 



July 1 for the f 

Fiction Writing for Children/Youth 

Nonflction Poetry 

I have enclosed $ for# manuscripts 

@ $25 for each submission. 

Enclosed is a stamped self-addressed postcard to 

acknowledge receipt of manuscripts and/or 
application. 

Enroll me in the following afternoon woikshop 

(choose one only): 

Fiction, Shafer Fiction, Fiffer 

Poetry, Vertreace Poetry, Stein 

Children, Asher Picture Books, McCarthy 

Nonflction, Burton 

Enclosed is a check for $25 registration fee 

(balance of fees due Aug.2) 

Please reserve the following room accommodations 

on campus: Single room/board $145; Double 
room/board $135. 

Roommate preference 

Smoker Non-smoker 

Enclosed Is a list of my recent published writing, 

if any 
Note: Room/board may be paid in advance or must be 
paid on the opening day of the conference. Make all 
checks payable to IWU Writers' Conference. 
IWUWC is not responsible for lost manuscripts. Please 
keep a copy of each manuscript submitted. 
Non-manuscript applicants will be accepted up to the 
opening of the conference, space permitting. 

Address correspondence/applications to: 
IWU Writers' Conference 
Illinois Wesleyan University 

P. O. Box 2900 
Bloomington. IL 61702-2900 



14 



BEHIND BARBED WIRE: 
DESTRUCTION OF THE JAPANESE- 
AMERICAN FAMILY DURING 
WORLD WAR II 

Yoji Ozaki 

February 19, 1992 was the 
fiftieth anniversary of the 
signing of Executive 
Order 9066 by President 
Franklin Delano 
Roosevelt. This order 
created the concentration 
camps for Japanese- 
American people who 
lived on the West Coast 
of the United States. 

Commemoration services 
were held on this date at 
the Japanese- American 

Service Committee in Chicago. At the end of the 
meeting, a memorial service was held for those 
individuals who had died or were killed during 
World War II. The names of these individuals were 
tied to the memorial tree. 

"The Japanese- American Family" should have been 
included on the memorial tree because this institu- 
tion was destroyed when we were incarcerated 
behind barbed wire. 

The camps were laid out in blocks of twelve to 
fourteen tarpaper and pine barracks, about twenty 
by one hundred feet, divided into four rooms each, 
about sixteen by twenty feet. Entire families were 
housed in a room. Each block had a mess hall, 
gang showers and toilets. There was no privacy. 

One former internee in her testimony to the "Com- 
mission on Wartime Relocation and Internment of 
Civilians" reported, "My mother was a person who 
believed strongly in the preservation of the family 
as a unit. In spite of the difficult situation of seven 
people living in crowded quarters, she desperately 
tried to maintain a sense of the family staying 
together by going to the mess hall to get the 
family's portion of food so that we could all sit 
down and share a meal. My younger brothers and 
sisters could not understand why we had to eat by 




ourselves. It was difficult to be different from our 
friends and caused many awkward moments at 
mealtimes. She finally relented, and we all had our 
meals with our friends, and we no longer took 
meals as a family. This saddened my mother very 
much and she cried." 



The families were further 
split as the young men 
volunteered or were 
drafted to serve in the 
Armed Forces. Other 
young people started to 
leave the camps to seek 
employment or school- 
ing. The children and 
older people were left in 
camp to be relocated 
when the camps were 
closed. Thus, the family 
members were separated 
and dispersed all over 
the world. 

The roles of family members were changed dra- 
matically. The father was no longer the breadwin- 
ner and the mother lost her role as caretaker. 
Leadership was transferred to the younger mem- 
bers of the family. This created psycho /socio/ 
economic conflict which in effect destroyed the 
institution of the Japanese- American family as it 
existed prior to World War II. 

One of the critical consequences of this is an iden- 
tity crisis among the third generation Japanese- 
Americans. The basic values associated with 
family and group identity were diminished or lost. 
A good example of what has been lost is what is 
called "ON" (obligation or debt of honor which the 
child owes to the parent and other mentors.) Men- 
tal health and social service professionals have 
started to address this through intergenerational or 
family therapy. 



Yoji Ozaki has a Masters Degree in Psychology. His current 
work for the Northeastern Illinois Area Agency on Aging is 
part of a fifteen year career in mental health. Yoji spent two 
years in the concentration camps at Manzaner and Rohwer 
during World War II. He was in the Segreg a ted Unit 442 
Regimental Combat Team of the United States Army for two 
years. 



ARE THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS READY 
FOR CHANGE? 

Heather Anne Harder 



The public schools afford many opportunities for 
interactions between parent and teacher, teacher 
and child, administrator and teacher. These interac- 
tions provide insights on the relationships that exist 
among these people. As these relationships are 
analyzed there seem to emerge two systems of 
interactions. One is a "partnership model" based 
on equality and mutual respect, while the other is a 
"dominator model" based on perceived superiority 
and control. Dominator and partnership models are 
more than a way of acting and interacting... they 
represent a way of thinking. 

Both models have been around for a long time and 
have been identified by different terms. Both 
models represent a basic belief structure inherent in 
the parties involved. Partnerships infer all parties 
are equal and can make comparable contributions 
to the good of the whole regardless of age, educa- 
tional level or position. Partnerships are based on 
the assumptions that all parties are respected and 
valued, talents are willingly shared and no one has 
the right to control another. By contrast, the domi- 
nator model reflects the perceived superiority of 
one over the other. During domination the superior 
party is in control. He/she/ they lead the way, 
dictate the truth and exert their will over the infe- 
rior or less capable members of the interaction. 
Domination exists because those in power feel they 
are more capable, thus superior. Those dominating 
feel they have the right to rule others because of 
this superiority and those not in power are obli- 
gated to conform. Domination has come to be 
accepted, tolerated and even encouraged in our 
society. Nowhere is this mentality more prevalent 
than in our schools. 

Domination is the accepted standard of interaction 
at all levels. School boards exert domination over 
the administration, administrators exert their will 
over the teachers and finally teachers dominate the 
students. Teachers say how pleased they are be- 
cause children listen so well and are so obedient. 
They often measure their teaching success by the 



level of control they exert. If a child should resist 
the control, the teacher uses an arsenal of weapons 
until the child submits to the will of the teacher. 
And no one objects, even the students accept this 
process as normal. The teacher is master while the 
students are forced to accept subservience. 

Under the dominator model schools are producing 
adults who have a 42% illiteracy rate. Student 
apathy soars, the drop-out rate climbs steadily and 
student motivation, self-esteem and morale seem to 
be at an all-time low. Most experts agree that we 
often lose our most promising students. In an 
attempt to curb these trends states have imple- 
mented such programs as state mandated "lose 
your driving license if you drop out from school" 
programs, and mandatory tests to ensure minimal 
progress. Students are retained in a grade if a 
passing score is not earned on these tests. Retention 
is being used widely even though research has 
indicated that a child who fails one of the first two 
grades has only a 20% chance of graduating from 
high school. Although research generally does not 
support the practice of retention, educators do. 
Retention is just one of the multitude of methods 
used to force students to conform in achievement 
and/or behavior. "Immaturity" is often cited by the 
teachers as the reason for retaining a student. These 
arbitrary standards are set by the schools with little 
input from the student or parents... after all, what 
do they know? 

Throughout the history of education there have 
been those who again and again sought reform. 
They cited and often proved that control and 
conformity were not the way to educate, and, in 
fact, interfered. In the 1600s John Locke empha- 
sized the importance of "natural" education as 
opposed to the harsh discipline of his day. Locke 
felt the need for freedom was a necessary condition 
for education. He stated, "Children have as much a 
mind to show that they are free, that they are 
absolute and independent, as any of the proudest 
of grown men. As a result, they should seldom be 
put to doing those things that you (the teacher) 
have an inclination for them to do." In the 1700s 
Jacque Rousseau suggested that feeling was more 
important than reason and that spontaneity, self 
indulgence and impulsive behavior were more 
productive than discipline. Rousseau felt that 
children must be educated more humanly using 
natural laws of development and not man-made 



16 



rules. A generation later Johann Pestalozzi devoted 
his life to applying these ideals. He taught using 
student experiences in natural settings. The lessons 
were those considered important to the child. He 
believed that the teacher need not be an exalted 
master but someone who follows the leadings of 
the child. He taught that respect for the child and 
gentle compassion were essential if education was 
to be meaningful. Pestalozzi stated "Before the 
child learns, he must first experience something for 
himself and gain his own impressions." Over time, 
many other experts joined their voices in the choir 
that sang out for the child's right to be a partner in 
the process of education. None were so clearly 
heard as John Dewey's as he initiated the progres- 
sive education movement. Like others before him, 
Dewey felt that children learn best when engaged 
in meaningful experiences related to the child's 
world. He felt that children should experiment and 
discover information and was opposed to the 
traditional method of teaching by rote. Dewey 
effectively introduced democracy into the class- 
room. 

Unfortunately, whenever reformers introduced the 
concept of education based on respect for the child 
and his/her needs, a backlash of control and 
dominance resulted. Education based on mutual 
respect would flourish in a limited arena and then 
be buried under an avalanche of criticism. Control 
and domination of our children would be seen as 
more important than ever. "Modern" education 
was always replaced with a "back to the basics" 
philosophy. These educational "basics" represent 
the heart of traditional education. Traditional 
education is domination in classroom practice. 

Traditional education can be likened to a dog 
obedience program. The dog trainer (teacher) 
knows what tricks (lessons) the dogs (students) 
need to know. The trainer decides in what order 
and how fast to proceed. All dogs regardless of 
their breed or purpose will learn the same tricks at 
the same time. Because the dogs aren't considered 
very smart they are rewarded when they do the 
right things and, of course, punished or repri- 
manded when the wrong action is taken. Dogs 
soon learn that they are to wait until the trainer 
gives the signal for a specific behavior. They soon 
learn to expect a reward if they do it correctly and 
will cower waiting for their punishment if they 
screw up. The punishment may range from a "No! 



Bad dog!" to a "shock collar" which emits a electric 
shock upon the whim of the trainer. Smart dogs 
learned to wait until instructed, suppressing all 
urges to initiate behavior. Sit still or be repri- 
manded. Thus our schools turn out students who 
show little initiative, have little self worth, and who 
are turned off from the process of learning because 
of their "training." 

The opposite of this dog obedience process is the 
partnership model. In the classroom, partnerships 
allow teachers and students to have worth and 
input into classroom practices. The teacher and 
student share decision-making and responsibility 
for the learning process. The emphasis is not on 
teaching or the transfer of knowledge, as in the dog 
obedience model. Rather, learning is the focus. 
Students are given opportunities for active engage- 
ment with relevant learning experiences. Learning 
feels like play, thus it is fun as perceived by the 
player, requires active engagement and is freely 
chosen. A partnership would allow students to 
make choices, have fun and be actively engaged. 
Through play-like learning students would leam to 
value learning. 

In a partnership-based classroom, the students 
have the opportunities to engage in learning expe- 
riences of their choice. Teachers and students 
cooperatively determine the desired learning 
outcomes. Students are allowed to choose the 
method used to achieve these outcomes. Some 
children enjoy the challenge of workbooks or other 
paper/pencil projects, while others chose active 
project experiences. Teachers empower students so 
they are capable, confident and in control of their 
educational destiny. Students are allowed to learn 
what is relevant and not forced to learn what is 
considered important by the teacher and then 
punished if they do not achieve according to 
predetermined expectation. Students have the 
opportunities to select active experiences that 
would challenge but not frustrate. Their classroom 
contributions are unconditionally accepted as they 
are valued members of the group. There is no need 
to use force as students willingly participate in the 
educational experience. Children grow in an 
environment of acceptance and respect. 

A partnership-based classroom is not a new con- 
cept, indeed they are the same principles that were 
encouraged by Locke, Rousseau, Pestalozzi, Dewey 



17 



and others. Why have they not withstood over time 
when they have been proven effective in many 
classrooms? Why do educators keep reinventing 
this "new concept?" 

The reason is simple. This partnership approach is 
based on mutual respect. It requires confidence that 
all parties, although unique, are equally competent. 
It requires the empowerment of all who participate. 
Children move into this model with ease. They 
trust and accept. In a partnership classroom they 
learn more, experience more, and feel confident in 
making decisions about their education. But what 
they learn is difficult to assess. One test cannot be 
written to measure the growth of all students. The 
teachers, confident enough to share the educational 
reins, have found the process incredibly positive. 
But many teachers are often afraid to allow stu- 
dents to make decisions. They fear losing "control." 
These teachers lack the confidence to trust the 
students because they do not trust themselves. 
They look for and depend on the advice of experts 
to tell them what to do with their class. They read 
books which direct them to the best methods of 
instruction. They seek knowledge from outside 
themselves because they do not trust their own 
decisions, their own ideas or their own knowledge 
of their students. They allow themselves to be 
controlled by outside forces. They actively seek 
outside direction because they do not trust their 
own ideas, intelligence and ability to solve prob- 
lems. If they do not trust themselves they are 
unable to trust their children. Therefore, they 
become the "experts" for their students. They must 
be the control for their students because they know 
their students aren't as knowledgeable as them- 
selves. As teachers learn to trust themselves, to 
solve problems and make decisions, they in turn 
will learn to trust students and their ability to make 
appropriate classroom decisions. Teachers will 
trust students to handle themselves when given 
freedom to handle their own lives. 

We have tried the dominator model and all agree 
that it is not working. Perhaps we in the field of 
education can give the partnership model another 
opportunity and begin to allow students to contrib- 
ute actively to their own education. We can begin 
to build confidence in ourselves, our teachers, our 
administrators and our children. What do we have 
to lose? 




Dr. Harder is professor of early childhood education at 
Governors State University and the author of Many Were 
Called - Few Were Chosen: The Story of the Earth-Based Volunteers. 
She is one of the guest editors who produced this issue of The 
Creative Woman. 



18 



PARTNERSHIP PARENTING 
THE NATIVE AMERICAN WAY 

Heather Anne Harder 
Anna Rominger 
Adrianne Bacavis 



At one time there 
were over 600 tribes 
in North America, 
currently there are 
over 400 recognized 
tribes. These tribes 
vary in many ways. 
Their diversity is 
represented in native 
customs, language, 
ceremonies and 
costumes. This 
article will focus on 
some of the similari- 
ties among tribes and 
how they ap- 
proached parenting 
and child rearing. 
Our Native Ameri- 
can friends can give 
us points to ponder, 
insights to reflect 
upon and lessons to 
learn. Their tradi- 
tions carry great 
wisdom. 

Native Americans 
are full of celebra- 
tion. They find 
reason to be grateful 
in the rising sun, the 
morning dew, and 

the food consumed. It is little wonder then that the 
celebration of life was begun even before the birth 
of the child. 

The grandmothers of the village could be any 
women beyond childbearing age but not necessar- 
ily a direct blood relative. They were considered 
the wisest. Often they would dream about the 
coming child and the talents the child would bring 




to the people. Thus the parents were prepared for 
the child they were about to receive from the Great 
Spirit. 

Children are holy, a bridge to the future, a treasure 
given to the people for caretaking. Upon the birth, 
everyone celebrates and gives thanks. From the 
beginning the parents closely guard the develop- 
ment and protect this sacred gift so the child can 
manifest these special 
qualities which had been 
foreseen. 

Children were not given 
names at birth instead they 
were referred to with terms 
of endearment, such as 
"little one," "dear one" and 
"child." It was believed 
that the name represented a 
special identity. Therefore, 
the child was not given a 
name until the child was 
old enough to manifest his/ 
her unique identity and 
attributes, generally at the 
age of seven. It was felt that 
to name a child early was to 
determine their path and 
that was not the role of the 
parent. 

This afforded the child the 
freedom to develop their 
unique talents and abilities 
unhampered by the burden 
of others' expectations. 
Once the nature of the child 
had been revealed through 
play, this identity was 
confirmed at the naming 
ceremony which welcomed 
the child into the circle of 
the people and acknowl- 
edged the child's true relation to the people. 

The first two years of a child's life were spent on a 
cradleboard carried by the mother. This insured 
that the child was protected from the dangers of the 
wild and from the many hazards that accompanied 
living with nature. 

Life for the Native American is represented by a 
circle. Even the village community is viewed as a 



19 



circle which offers safety. The security of this circle 
is reinforced many times in their lives. At the age 
of two, when the child leaves the cradleboard, it 
begins to learn about the safety of the circle. 

The toddler is placed in a circle, which is drawn in 
the dirt, and told it will be safe as long as it remains 
in this circle. Those who watch the children some- 
times pretend to be wild animals, which would 
harm the child if it strays past the eight-foot diam- 
eter ring of safety. As the child grew, so did the 
size of the circle until, at the age of five, it included 
the entire village. 

As the child grew the concept of the circle evolved 
from a definite physical area to that of an abstract 
idea representing the unity of all. The child was 
taught through council lessons and individual 
experiences the meaning of the circle. It was 
paramount to respect and not violate the circle, 
which was also representative of the village unity. 
Thus the child learned to live in harmony with all 
that is. 

All members of the tribe are valued contributors to 
the tribe's well being. This is also true of the 
children. Little ones were able to do their part by 
collecting such things as food and wood. As their 
age and abilities allowed they would even hunt. 

They were involved with all aspects of life and 
were a part of all ceremonies and celebrations. 
They were taught the ways of their people and the 
significance of these actions through experience 
and modeling. 

They were also given ample opportunity to play. 
They played joyfully and were encouraged to do so 
because such was the gift of childhood. They 
played with sticks and dolls. They chased and ran. 
Thus their skills were developed. Those who chose 
to work with the children carefully watched them 
to recognize and encourage individual talents. 

If a child were to violate the circle through an act of 
destruction, by word or deed, or acted without 
respect or regard to any form of nature, grand- 
mother would take him/her outside the circle and 
tell a story to demonstrate the error of these ac- 
tions. This allowed the child to see the circle from a 
greater distance and thus recognize the need to 
make a decision to change his/her own behavior. 
Never were children scolded, reprimanded or 
forced to conform. Instead they were allowed to 



identify their own mistakes through stories and 
choose their future path. 

Schooling for the Native American children had no 
formalized days, hours, books or lessons. Learning 
for these children was on a continual basis and 
based on individual needs. Lessons, including 
history and appropriate behavior, were given in 
story form. The entertaining tales captured imagi- 
nations, engraving values and information on eager 
minds. 

At age seven, the children would be given their 
name and then given the opportunity to apprentice 
with one who would give them the lessons for the 
next cycle of their life. The children in council with 
the elders were a major part of this process. From 
the very beginning they were given the opportuni- 
ties of self empowerment. The Native Americans 
gave their children the greatest gift one can give, 
that of unconditional acceptance. 

These traditions speak of a partnership with chil- 
dren in a way seldom experienced in families 
today. These children were welcomed into the 
family as equals from the beginning. Their unique 
gifts and talents were recognized and encouraged 
from the beginning of their life. They became 
contributing members of the group as they were 
capable. Their words were recognized as a unique 
wisdom. When lessons were needed they were 
given through experiences and stories which 
allowed children to discover and retain their sense 
of greatness. Never were they forced or coerced 
into conformity. 

Children were encouraged to contribute and make 
decisions concerning their life. Throughout their 
childhood, they were valued and given unlimited 
acceptance. They were honored members of the 
great circle and were taught to honor it. 

They were recognized as a spark of the Great Spirit. 
Each child was allowed to grow until this spark 
became a flame to light the way for the people in 
their chosen path. Parents today can learn many 
lessons from this special kind of parenting where 
the child is recognized as a valued partner in the 
process. 

These three writers all share a particular interest in Native 
American cultures, an appreciation based on personal 
experience and shared heritage; their book on Native 
American teachings will be published this year. 

Illustration by Machteld Tims, 1990 



20 



FROM CAPETOWN TO CHICAGO: 
PARTNERSHIP IN PROGRESS 

Merlyn Judy Lawrence 

As we are exposed to the concepts of social para- 
digms and religious teachings, we shape our own 
perspectives, views, attitudes and approaches to 
life. I will outline my growth and development in 
embracing the principles of partnership. I continue 
to grapple with these precepts as I attempt to shake 
off deeply ingrained messages learnt in childhood 
from a racist and patriarchal society. I will describe 
experiences which challenged me to examine and 
redefine my life. 

Partnership, to me, entails close cooperation and 
respect among people. It involves joining, linking 
and working together in peace and harmony for the 
common good of all. It requires fairness, consensus, 
mutuality; utilizes democratic participatory deci- 
sion-making; necessitates active listening, empathic 
sharing, collective support, and encourages 
growth. It is inclusive and seeks to unify people. 
Partnership relationships encompass egalitarian 
principles and the sharing of power and resources. 
The views, beliefs, and feelings of all parties are 
respected and heard. In partnership settings people 
feel valued, genuinely cared about and safe. True 
partnership leads to empowerment and self- 
actualization. 

I am a black woman, born and raised in CapeTown, 
South Africa. Until I moved to the USA over six 
years ago, I lived under the system of Apartheid, 
the official policy of legislated racism. Apartheid, 
which still exists, impacts every aspect of our lives. 
As blacks we are rendered powerless. We have no 
right to vote. The black majority has no right to 
self-determination. Our race determined where we 
lived, went to school, where we worked, and the 
positions we would hold in the workforce. The 
white minority government continues to control all 
the wealth and maintains power and control 
through divide-and-rule tactics. The system of 
racism is firmly entrenched. Blacks are regarded as 
inferior to white people. Constantly being faced by 



racism and injustice, I, like many others, felt power- 
less and deep shame as to who I was. We internal- 
ized the negative messages we heard. We were 
judged, not by the content of our character or by 
our achievements, but by the color of our skin. We 
learned that no matter how hard we tried, or how 
much we achieved, we would not attain the recog- 
nition or respect we deserved because of the injus- 
tice of the racist system. 

Not only did I grow up in a race-dominated soci- 
ety, but also a male dominated society. Women 
held lesser status than men and were regarded as 
minors and as property. They fulfilled traditional 
roles such as homemaker, nurturer, caregiver, and 
worked outside the home to supplement family 
income. Women were responsible for keeping 
families together and making relationships work. If 
women were assertive, independent and failed to 
be subservient, they often were victims of batter- 
ing. 

Domestic violence was regarded as a private affair. 
In my community I learned that a woman who was 
raped was greatly to be pitied. She was shamed 
because she was no longer a virgin and no man 
would want her. Somehow, it was her fault. She 
must have done something to provoke the rape. 
Black women are the lowest on the totem pole. 
They are doubly oppressed, oppressed by the 
system and by men. 

Several experiences led to my growth and raised 
my consciousness about how the"isms" (racism, 
sexism, classism, ageism) are connected and have 
to do with the disparity in the distribution of 
power and economic disenfranchisement and lack 
of partnership ideals. 

I was a student at college in the early seventies 
when I was exposed to the Black Consciousness 
movement. The movement must be credited for the 
transformation of our views of ourselves which led 
to our empowerment as Black people. It instilled in 
us positive identity and self esteem. We began to 
take pride in who we were as individuals and as a 
community and began to appreciate and value our 
heritage. We learned that we were worthwhile 
people and that we were beautiful. 



21 



I was raised in a Christian home. Early on I became 
disillusioned with and questioned the tenets of the 
church which refused to mix religion with politics 
and advocated compliance with our lot, and prayer 
as the only acceptable response to injustice. We 
were admonished to respect the government who 
based its discriminatory policies on the Bible. I was 
baffled that a so-called Christian government could 
be so unjust and yet purport to be followers of 
Jesus. Organized religion did not address social 
justice issues. It maintained the system of oppres- 
sion. In the eighties a few ministers, some without 
the sanction of their churches, joined the commu- 
nity struggles against apartheid amid bannings, 
detention without trial, torture and threat of im- 
prisonment. 

In 1975 I started practicing social work with indi- 
viduals and families. I embraced the social work 
philosophy which valued the uniqueness and 
inherent worth of every person, believed that 
everyone should be treated with dignity and 
respect, honored the rights of all to self determina- 
tion and offered non-judgmental acceptance. Social 
work advocated that all people should have access 
to resources they need and opportunities to realize 
their potential. One of our roles was to address the 
root causes of social issues and to advocate for 
radical, social change. 

In my work over several years I witnessed further 
the harsh realities of apartheid's injustice on fami- 
lies and communities. Families faced problems of 
poverty, hunger, inadequate health and day care, 
high rentals, high cost of living, low incomes, 
unemployment, inadequate working conditions, 
lack of housing, high-density living and social 
isolation. Housing that became available was set up 
on the outskirts of the city, far from places of 
employment and beyond the means of what the 
neediest could afford. People spent hours travelling 
great distances to and from work. Transport costs 
were exorbitant. The economic disparity between 
the haves and have-nots was great. 

The agency I worked for was micro focussed, 
focussing on alleviating the needs of individuals 
and families. It was my opinion that while this 
focus was important and necessary, we needed to 
address the root causes underlying the social ills of 
South African society. 

Micro practice without a macro focus served to 



maintain the status quo. My frustration with the 
lack of response of social welfare agencies and the 
church to name and address social problems found 
an outlet when I became involved with grass roots 
community organizing and struggle in the late 
seventies. We organized around the lack of day- 
care, high rent and electricity bills, called for the 
release of those in detention; and organized youth, 
community and social workers, amongst other 
issues. In these community organizing ventures, 
masses of people were involved, many of whom 
were of differing ideologies and faiths but who had 
a common goal of ending apartheid and building a 
non-racial democratic South Africa. We learned 
that with unity we had strength. In our community 
grass roots organizations we practiced the prin- 
ciples of partnership. One such campaign was the 
electricity petition committee (EPC). Several local 
organizations drew up petitions which we took 
door to door in the community, trying to change 
the due date for paying electric bills. A group of 
approximately seventy persons headed the cam- 
paign, met regularly and formed strategies. EPC 
had no hierarchical structure or elected officials. 
Members were respectful of each others' opinions, 
feelings and suggestions and the decision-making 
was based on consensus. Individuals volunteered 
to perform tasks, drawing up pamphlets, designing 
cartoons, campaigning in the community, and 
bringing the masses together, informing them of 
progress and seeking mass direction and input. 

Ministers got involved and lent their pulpits to 
discuss the issues and encourage church participa- 
tion. Other organizations in broader Cape Town 
supported the EPC campaign actively by assisting 
with tasks like pamphlet distribution, paying home 
visits in the community and conducting block 
meetings. EPC members were committed to the 
cause, campaigned intensively and adhered to 
strained deadlines. Activities were organized 
within a short space of time without money. We 
were aware of being monitored by the security 
police. Some of our number were harassed and 
detained. 

EPC was successful in petitioning the City Council 
of Cape Town to change its due date for the people 
hardest hit. The people's victory was a victory for 
all of Cape Town. Everyone (black and white, rich 
and poor) benefited from the change. EPC became 
a national model for other social action struggles 



22 



and was one of the firm foundations upon which 
the United Democratic Front was built in 1983. 

Around the same time I became interested in the 
issues of battered women and sexual assault. I 
conducted research on wife battering in South 
Africa and organized the Battered Women's Action 
Group (BWAG), which opened the first shelter in 
1986 (1) . At first I approached these issues as sepa- 
rate, unrelated to each other. Later I realized that 
they were linked as issues of violence against 
women and that they were connected with the 
struggle against apartheid. These issues were all 
forms of victimization which had as a common 
denominator the unequal balance of power and 
control and the unequal distribution of wealth. 

My understanding of the interconnectedness of the 
"isms" enables me to view problems in their 
broader context and to advocate for change on 



many levels. I am concerned about the plight of all 
exploited people like the poor, hungry, homeless, 
disabled, elderly, abused children and women, 
minorities, and communities who live under the 
siege of gangs, guns, militarism, torture and institu- 
tionalized violence. I am learning to care about and 
appreciate mother earth. My life continues to be 
molded as I strive toward partnership in my home, 
friendships, community, workplace, and world. 



(1) Lawrence, Merlyn J. (1989): "Development of the Battered 
Women's Movement in South Africa", Response, Vol. 12, No. 



Merlyn Lawrence obtained her Master of Social Science degree 
from the University of Cape Town, South Africa. She is a 
licensed social worker and the coordinator of adult sexual 
assualt counseling services at the YWCA of Metropolitan 
Chicago - DuPage District, Glen Ellyn, Illinois. 




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23 



PARTNERSHIP AND DOMINATION 
MODELS IN THE LAW 

Anna Sue Rominger 

Law operates to bring structure and order to 
human interaction. To John Locke law was the 
medium which sealed the social contract/" Most of 
us experience that contact through the agency of a 
uniformed police officer or as a part of the legal 
ritual practiced in the court room. 

In the court room justice is administered in a 
manner which subdues passion and encourages 
restraint and thoughtful reflection. Presentation of 
the dispute is carefully controlled by lawyer advo- 
cates who speak for both parties. Utmost credibil- 
ity is insured by a series of rules which exclude 
certain types of evidence. In the hushed atmo- 
sphere of a courtroom, the parties bring themselves 
before the bench upon which sits the judge. To this 
judge is given the task of fairly and equitably 
allocating the duties and responsibilities of the 
parties within the conflictual relationship. Based 
on that determination the judge issues a pro- 
nouncement which reflects that judgement. 

This view of the law is based on the parties' will- 
ingness to submit themselves to the domination of 
a higher authority to resolve their dispute. This 
domination model of human interaction has been 
practiced in a legal setting from its historical begin- 
nings when monarchs sat in judgment over the 
disputes of their subjects. The underlying premise 
upon which this model is based states that human 
interaction must be controlled in order to promote 
social order. The person in charge is seen as a 
superior authority who dictates the truth and exerts 
their influence over the other to guide the way to 
appropriate future conduct. Domination is based 
on certain assumptions which state that (1) the 
person in control is more capable of resolving the 
dispute, (2) the person in authority has a superior 
ability to perceive the truth of the situation and (3) 
the other must submit to the rule of the higher 
authority because of their superior ability to reach a 
viable solution. The model has been defended as 
one way to allocate fairness in human society. 

A growing frustration with this model by busi- 
nesses who lament the waste of time and resources 



to litigate disputes and by individuals who ques- 
tion the superiority of another's judgment has led 
to a new model of interaction in the legal system. 
This model postulates that humans can in partner- 
ship achieve fair and equitable resolutions to their 
disputes. G) This model, called the partnership 
model, assumes (1) all human participants are 
equipped to act appropriately in any given interac- 
tion, (2) the contribution of each is respected and 
valued, and (3) the successful resolution to dispute 
depends of the interaction of the participants as 
peers who reject the dominion of control of an- 
other. 

This new partnership model is being offered to 
participants in the legal system in the form of 
alternative dispute resolution. Alternative in this 
case means alternative to litigation and the domina- 
tion model it serves. Mediation is the alternative 
method of dispute resolution which incorporates 
this partnership model. 

In practice, mediation employs a neutral third 
party who employs access of agreement between 
the parties. The mediator is trained to recognize 
the potential for agreement between the parties and 
to focus on these areas. The parties in mediation 
are viewed as partners who share a common 
concern. When they have reached an impasse in 
coming to terms, mediation empowers the parties 
to seek the solution through the use of cooperative 
problem solving. (3) 

In searching for the solution to the dilemma, the 
mediator surfaces the facts and then encourages 
each party to go beyond their crystallized positions 
and state their true interests in resolving the di- 
lemma/ 4 ' These include concerns about saving 
face, protecting the interests of other parties as well 
as goals they wish to accomplish in the interaction. 

It is the clarification of these true interests which 
facilitates the way for movement off the positional 
pedestal to a more accurate assessment of interest. 
This clarification of interests can move the parties 
closer to agreement as the mediator helps them 
define a more functional problem statement. The 
parties' interests represent a starting point from 
which to analyze the situation viewed in a light 
most favorable to the stated interests. In order to 
encourage mutual problem solving, the mediator 
encourages the parties to consider the common 
problem they share. The mediator emphasizes the 



24 



mutuality of the problem by using neutral problem 
statements devised from the parties' statements. 
The formulation of the problem statement helps the 
parties move from the domination model repre- 
sented by sitting on opposite sides of the table to 
the partnership model where they sit side by side 
and work together toward resolution. Once the 
parties can view the dilemma as a challenge of their 
own, they are ready to brainstorm creative solu- 
tions to their problems.® 

The creative process brings energy to the interac- 
tion as they evaluate and assess potential solutions 
in their search for the elegant solution. This evalu- 
ation and assessment is now measured in terms of 
their common interests instead of their initial 
positions which have now been discarded as rigid 
and unfruitful for further inquiry. It is this move- 
ment from individual positions to common inter- 
ests which is the heart of the mediation process. 

This partnership model of interaction is in sharp 
contrast to the domination model which imposes 
the solution devised by a judge in whom society 
has invested this power. Studies show that as 
compared to litigation mediation is far more suc- 
cessful in devising long term solutions to problems 
and is a less damaging form of intervention/ 6 * It 
should, however, be pointed out that while media- 
tion is an alternative to litigation it does not replace 
the need for a forum to litigate disputes. Disputes 
which are characterized by violence or the unwill- 
ingness of parties to expose their true interests are 
not amenable to mediation. For this reason, litiga- 
tion will always be necessary to resolve intractable 
disputes. 

However, for those who believe that conflict can be 
resolved constructively in ways which promote 
closer relationships and for those who are willing 
to invest their efforts in seeking harmonious agree- 
ment, mediation offers a model based on the terms 
of partnership which serves these purposes. 

Mediation in the legal system is available to per- 
sons who contemplate or have filed litigation both 
in civil matters such as partnership disputes, 
contract disputes and insurance claims and domes- 
tic matters which include dissolution of marriage, 
child support, custody and visitation disputes. The 
principles of mediation, however, have a much 
broader application than the formal resolution of 
disputes. 



The principles of mediation can be applied to 
conflict management. As a lawyer most of the 
people I see in my office are dealing with conflict. 
After years of viewing the effects of domination 
model solutions, I concluded there must be a better 
way to handle conflict. My experience with litiga- 
tion and even negotiated solutions based on domi- 
nation models revealed that these methods rarely 
resolved the dispute which was likely to flare again 
ignited by the resentment of the party who felt they 
had been bested in the resolution. Not only did 
these methods fail to resolve disagreement, these 
methods often solidified face-saving positions until 
negotiating flexibility was lost altogether. 

Unless the participants are aware of the mediation 
model, they often employ conflict management 
techniques based on these legal models so often 
displayed in the courtroom and in televised fic- 
tional legal dramas. In the dominant legal model, 
resolution is achieved when one person in a dis- 
agreement exerts a superior level of power and 
masters the other who then loses and concedes the 
point in issue. In the mediation model, on the other 
hand, conflict is viewed as a way of enhancing 
communication between the parties instead of 
foreclosing it. 

Conflict enhances communication between the 
parties when issues which have smoldered beneath 
the surface are exposed and acknowledged. The 
acknowledgement of the issues sets the stage for a 
resolution which can deepen understanding. By 
focusing on genuine interests instead of external 
positions, mediation techniques encourage a frank 
discussion of true interest. Mediation techniques 
encourage frankness because they teach practitio- 
ners how to deflect surface emotional responses 
and search for deeper concerns. It is often these 
surface emotional responses based on past accumu- 
lations of hurt which generate and fuel the conflict. 
If the other party refuses to be drawn into these 
brush fires and maintains neutrality throughout the 
initial venting of pent-up feelings, a space is cre- 
ated for the sharing of true concerns. Compassion 
and understanding can fill this space when both 
parties are ready to perceive the universal nature of 
most human concerns. 

Partnership models acknowledge this universality 
and encourage the parties to collaborate by attack- 
ing the problem, not each other or their relation- 
ship. 



25 



(1) John Locke, Essay Concerning Human Understanding (1689) 
ed. A.C. Fraser (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1894). 

(2) Folberg and Milne, Divorce Mediation (Guilford Press, 1988), 
198. 

(3) Id, at page 87. 

(4) Fisher and Ury, Getting to Yes (Penguin Books, 1981), 51. 

(5) Id, at page 63. 

(6) Folberg and Milne, Divorce Mediation (Guilford Press, 1988), 
449. 



Anna Rominger is a practicing attorney and an educator. A 
graduate of Boston University and Boston University School of 
Law, Ms. Rominger is a partner in the firm of Sendak, Sendak, 
Neff & Rominger, a general practice law firm in Crown Point, 
Indiana. Ms. Rominger has practiced in both the public and 
private sectors. In 1976 she created the Indiana Child Support 
Program which implemented Title IVD for the collection of 
child support in Indiana and has served as General Counsel for 
the Indiana State Department of Public Welfare. Trained as a 
mediator as well as an attorney she conducts civil and 
domestic mediation for United States Arbitration and 
Mediation of Indiana, Inc., and the Lake County Courts. Ms. 
Rominger teaches mediation techniques as a adjunct at Purdue 
University Calumet and Indiana University Northwest. 




26 



WHY I LEFT THE LAW: 

I WANT TO TEACH CHILDREN TO 

READ 

Dawn Scarlett 



Following an eleven year career as a labor attorney 
for the federal government, I've decided to put my 
law books and briefs on the back shelf and pursue a 
career that I believe will be far more personally 
rewarding — in the field of education. I did not 
enjoy being a lawyer, and I did not experience any 
personal gratification or satisfaction in trying cases 
or writing briefs. For years, I longed for a career 
that would enable me to achieve the sense of 
fulfillment and accomplishment that one can feel 
when providing a real service to others. Little did I 
know that such a career opportunity was right 
under my nose! 

I come from a family of educators who teach in 
Chicago's urban school system. I grew up seeing 
my parents grade papers at the kitchen table, sew 
costumes for holiday assemblies, and tell wonder- 
ful (and sometimes awful) stories about the antics 
of their students. I saw first-hand the sense of 
frustration teachers suffered when teaching urban 
youth. At the same time, I observed these same 
teachers experience immense satisfaction and 
personal gratification when they were successful in 
motivating their students to be "the best that they 
could be." 

As my dissatisfaction with my career with the 
government increased, so did my curiosity about 
the field of education. I learned that an urgent 
need exists for dedicated professionals to work in 
urban school systems, particularly in early child- 
hood education. I began to visit schools in Chi- 
cago, and was shocked by the large classes, inad- 
equate books and equipment, and the poor reading 
scores of so many of the children. Visiting the 
schools had another effect on me — I fell in love 
with the children. It was during these visits that I 
decided that I wanted to do everything I could to 
help these children become good readers. 

Thus, after long talks with my husband, I decided 
to resign from my employment with the federal 




FOfcWiSDOM-I&BETTBR 

THAN-RUBIES-ANDALL 

TH E THi NCS-TH AT- MAY 

BE-DE5IRED-ARE- HOT-TO 
BDCOMPARED-UNTO 



*Sfc 



government and seek employment as a substitute 
teacher while I pursued a masters degree and 
certification in education. Immediately following 
my resignation, I landed a position as a full time 
substitute teacher for a fourth grade class in a 
Chicago public school. That was quite an eye- 
opening experience! While I experienced the 
difficult challenges of educating urban children, I 
also received immense personal satisfaction from 
working with these children, getting to know them, 
and watching them grow intellectually. 

I continue to substitute teach as I pursue my mas- 
ters degree in education. I look forward to one day 
having my own first grade class, and helping a 
roomful of children down the road to successful 
reading and a positive educational experience. 



Ms. Scarlett is currently a graduate student in Elementary 
Education at Governors State University, where she praises the 
quality of teaching. 



:: 



ARTIST'S 
STATEMENT 



This portfolio is the story 
of a good girl who grew 
up trying to be a perfect 
woman - by everyone 
else's standards. It is a 
visual exploration of 
worthlessness, terror, 
tragedy, hope, friendship, 
and recovery. 

Anxiety and insecurity 
were my companions. I 
constantly needed to do 
more and do better to be 
worthy of the love I would 
get SOME DAY. SOME 
DAY turned out to be 
never, and I began to have 
serious doubts about how 
long I could continue to 
keep up the pretense 
before it all fell apart. 

In January of 1984, my 
perfectionist mask was 
forcibly removed. My 
husband was being 
treated unsuccessfully for 
alcoholism, and I was 
confronted with the reality 
of my life and marriage. 

John Berger writes, 
"Memory implies a certain 
act of redemption. What is 
remembered is saved from 
nothingness. What is 
forgotten has been aban- 
doned." My work is a 
visual record of my 
process of unmasking, and 
the thoughts, feelings, and 
the people who have been 
involved. 




J can be angry and feminine. Carol Thorner 



CAROL "THORNER 



28 




/ embrace the future. Carol Thorner 



29 



MAIDEN, MOTHER, CRONE - I 

Jane Stewart Heckman 

I winced, when we decided to write a story about 
Maiden, Mother and Crone, and the Partnership 
Journey in our lives, and I was to be the Crone! I 
was given a book to read: The Crone — Woman of 
Age, Wisdom and Power by Barbara G. Walker. 
When I found the origins of the word "crone" are 
in the word "crown", denoting honor, I felt a lot 
better. But I still found that I carried the book 
around face down, because the cover is a face of an 
old woman with wrinkles in every nook and 
cranny of her face except the end of her nose! I 
want to look young and beautiful, I thought. Not 
like her! 

Then one day I spoke to a friend about the new 
flock of wrinkles that I had begun to see when I 
looked into the mirror, and she said "When I think 
of you, I see you smiling, and I don't think of the 
wrinkles." Yes, I thought, I do have a good sense 
of humor and I love to laugh. 

Two months later, as I read about the Crone as 
woman of age, wisdom and power, I gain strength 
to face my wrinkles and my mortality. I gain 
strength to speak out and to find ways to work 
for a change, at every hand, from dominator ways 
to partnership ways. 

When I was a maiden of 25, in 1946, 1 visited my 
oldest brother, Peter, at the Harvard Law School 
where he was a student returned from the war. 
Excited about my new job as a community orga- 
nizer in the neighborhoods of Detroit, I spilled over 
with the details of my life. "Do you always have a 
bushel basketful of ideas?" he asked, having not 
seen much of me in the last few years. Is this bad? I 
wondered? Perhaps, if it didn't allow him time to 
share what was in his basket of ideas. 

After 23 years of working in the YWCA to em- 
power women, now, at 70 and rapidly going on 71, 
I work in a co-ed group of women and men in our 
Chicago Area Center for Partnership Education. 
And in the co-ed West Suburban Peace Action 
Network where we are tackling how to build peace 
and partnership into our ways of life. 

In her last chapter: The Future Crone, Barbara 
Walker says: "The modern world is ruled largely 
by men of middle age and older. Though such 




Jane Heckman as a young child. Photo credit: Photocraftsmen. 



individuals may be qualified for leadership in 
business and politics by reason of their career 
experiences, as a group they may be the least 
qualified psychologically to make vital decisions an 
behalf of the entire species." 

What can I bring to the leadership task of becoming 
a whole person, of self-acceptance, and of living 
fully, on purpose, with appreciation of my whole- 
ness which includes wisdom, and clarity about 
changes in our values and beliefs that are possible, 
and that must be achieved, if our human species is 
to survive. 

I imagine it was a lovely Indian Summer day in 
November, 1923, when I was 21/2 years old, that I 
tagged along with my brother Jack to his nursery 
school. Miss Carrie and Miss Helen, the teachers, 
already knew me, because I had visited before. But 
this day I must have had a determined look on my 
face. Because I had made up my mind I wanted to 
stay. So I asked if I could come every day. 

The youngest of three "brothers" ( I used to think 
of myself as a brother), I already knew a lot about 
how to communicate and what was going on. And 



30 



the big sunny room with the fireplace, and the 
dormer windows at one end and windows that 
looked out on a big woodsy yard at the other end 
was a wondrous place. A place to grow seedlings 
inside of egg shells, to sit in a circle on a huge rug 
and listen to stories and learn to read them, a place 
with your own space to hang up your coat and put 
things. A place to enjoy the warmth and caring and 
excitement of these two women who gave their 
lives to helping little children grow. 

They said "yes", and I stayed for 31/2 years — they 
added Kindergarten and even First Grade for me 
because the local school, in the post World War I 
boom, had over 40 children in their first grade. I 
pointed out that I didn't even have to cross a street 
to get to "school" — it was at the other end of our 
block on Broadway, in Dobbs Ferry, N.Y., 22 miles 
from Broadway and Times Square. 

When I met Janae and Barry Weinhold (see article 
on Violence in the Family and the UN IYF , page 9) 
in the Honolulu Airport in June 1990, 1 asked them 
to sell me a copy of their book Breaking Free of the 
Co-Dependency Trap and to autograph it. 

Barry wrote: "To Jane, I greet the child within you!" 
Janae wrote: "Greetings to a fellow journeyer on 
the path to wholeness."So here I am. Looking back, 
as T.S. Eliot said: 

We shall not cease from exploration 
And the end of all our exploring 
Will be to arrive where we started 
And know the place for the first time. 

As a crone, I have a lot of work to do, a lot of 
unfinished business. With my self — to affirm me. 
To be my own best partner. To appreciate who I 
have always been. And who I am trying to become. 
To have self-esteem every day, and not to lose 
it when the first critical remark is made about what 
I do, or the way I think, or the value system that 
seems not to work in this very violent world. 

I have work to do with my sons — men who have 
grown up in our patriarchal culture with many of 
the constraints that most men in the United States 
have felt: no tears, no small talk, hands-on work to 
do, pressure to get a job and to provide for a fam- 
ily, to be their own person — separate from the 
strong minded parent-Mother whom I became. 
How shall we build relationships as friends 
and partners, so each of us can be free to be our- 
selves as well? 



I have work to do with my daughter-in-law, mar- 
ried to the oldest son — Chicago-born daughter of 
Japanese-American parents who suffered the 
indignity of internship in WW II, she did not crave 
college as I did, and at first I did not see our com- 
mon bonds. Now, I must be as an empty vessel 
when I visit with her and learn to listen. An impor- 
tant tool for crones who would impart wisdom and 
become real partners is to truly listen. 

I have work to do with my husband — "Do I get 
equal time?" he asks, as I pour out the details of my 
very full journey. Again, a warning that the full 
bushel basket of ideas that I always have in tow can 
be over-bearing if one wants partnership to flower. 

And yet I celebrate that basket now. The world 
needs my creativity and my passion for partnership 
and change. 

As the Yoga Journal said of Walker's book, (and I 
say of my life as a crone): "A strong affirmation of 
women's power to say no to out-of-control patriar- 
chal power. Walker encourages women to... de- 
velop a new moral system in an otherwise doomed 
world." 




Jane Stewart Heckman, 70 years old, has worked many years 
as a community organizer in Detroit, Pittsburgh, Chicago and 
in DuPage County, west of Chicago where from 1965-1987, she 
developed the YWCA/DuPage District. Now a full-time 
volunteer, she serves as Co-Chair of the West Suburban Peace 
Action Network and as Coordinator of the Chicago Area 
Center for Partnership Education. She and Lisa Stone are co- 
leading a seminar-field study group whose members will 
attend the Crete Celebration of Partnership in October 1992. 
She lives in Lombard, Illinois with husband Tom and has 3 
sons and a daughter-in-law, and two grandchildren. 



31 



MAIDEN, MOTHER, CRONE - II 
ALMA MIA (MY SOUL) 

Lisa Cacari-Stone 

Alma Mia. My soul, my spirit, she is a child, a 
woman, a wise grandmother. She is mother to 
herself and sister to others. She cares for and 
nurtures those around her. Ancient and wise, she 
knows the world she is part of. Born in May, she is 
connected to the land. She loves the sun and is 
mystified by the moon. 

Las car as de la mujer son mis caras. The faces of 
Woman are my faces. Soy Nina, soy Soltera, soy 
Madre, soy Abuelita. I am Little Girl, I am Maiden, 
I am Mother, I am Crone. 

jVEN NINA! Come, Girl! The virgin child plays. 
She is carefree and innocent. Her hands are tiny but 
her eyes and heart are great. She is a delicate 
creature. She knows the wise woman well. They 
understand each other best, my little girl and my 
grandmamma. They have spent many precious 
hours making tortillas together. The kneading of 
the dough, shaping it into the round soft balls, and 
rolling it out, reveals life's secrets. There in the 
kitchen, wisdom and innocence are exchanged. 

jVEN SOLTERA! Come, Single Woman, Come 
Maiden! The Maiden, the sensual woman, lover of 
life, she knows what she wants. Her greatest affair 
is with culture, art, music and dance. Her body is 
slender, her breasts are firm and her legs are mus- 
cular. She worships the land with her body. With 
arms raised, she reaches to pull her dreams close to 
her, but not too close. She wants to be far enough 
away to see them, to see that not all dreams are 
possible. She learns she must make choices. At this 
time the maiden begins feeling the struggles of a 
woman and begins learning how to fight in a male 
world. La Soltera encuentra la soldera. The 
maiden meets the Woman Warrior. Her mind and 
spirit become her greatest weapons and her strong 
body is their fortress. 

jVEN MAMA! Madre, Madre de Dios, santif icado 
sea hi nombre. Come, Mother! Mother of God, 
sanctified be thy name. Mother, bursting with life. 



Mother is life. She keeps faith. She is the giver and 
protector of life, nurturer, peace-maker, soother. 
She greets daybreak with chocolate and bread, and 
the rest of the day she provides her family with 
meals of eggs and sausages, chicken and rice, and 
enchiladas. Her garden is filled with fruit and 
flowers. She is compassion, she knows oppression. 
Her womb aches when her children cry. Like The 
Crying Woman, she suffers because of her 
children's death. Her heart is restless, her mourning 
pierces through the darkness, it is only the moon's 
light that can soothe her soul. Her arms are for 
comforting, her breasts are for nurturing, and her 
blood is for survival. 

jVEN ABUELITA! Come Grandmother! The wise 
woman, she is partner to all. Life and death are one 
to her. She knows joy and pain. She is La 
Curandera, the Healer, the Goddess of Wisdom. 
She is story teller and soul retriever. Her hair is 
white, her skin is wrinkled and her spirit is ancient. 

Alma, alma mia. Todos las caras de la mujer son 
mis caras. Soy Nina, soy Soltera, soy Madre, soy 
Abuelita. TODOS SOMOS UN SER. Soul, my 
soul. All the faces of woman are my faces. I am 
Girl, I am Maiden, I am Mother, I am Grandmother. 
WE ARE ALL ONE BEING. 



Lisa Cacari-Stone is a Mexican-American from a working class 
background. She has a Master's degree in Family Systems 
Therapy with a specialization in human development through 
the life span. She works as a therapist and social worker and 
dreams of studying Curanderismo (traditional folk healing 
methods) in Mexico. She dedicates this meditation to her 
grandmother, to the belief that a woman's life is a circular 
process, and to the balance of partnership between maiden, 
mother and crone - the generations of women. 



Author' note: Many persons like myself have grown up in the 
United States with Mexican and American ancestors. With a 
bicultural life style, I find that I have a foot in each of the two 
doors. Writing allows me to communicate from the heart, if I 
can have a voice that flows in and out from English to Spanish. 



Editor's note: This meditation is not exactly as the author wrote 
it. Translations have been added and the intermingling of 
English and Spanish has been omitted to provide clarity. 



32 







Maria Cacari, my grandmother as maiden. 
Born in Mexico. 



Lisa Cacari-Stone as maiden. 




A FRAMEWORK FOR 
UNDERSTANDING ECOFEMINISM 

Lyn DelliQuadri 




Imparting to you a truly informed understanding of 
Ecof eminism would require a review of prehistoric 
cultures, comparative mythology, religious traditions 
of the East and West, the history of science, the 
development of capitalism, and a good smattering of 
psychological theory. 

I'm sure you will be relieved to know that I will 
confine myself to a somewhat more cursory explana- 
tion of this important late twentieth-century expres- 
sion of feminism, and I hope you will develop a keen 
interest in pursuing the topic more fully on your own. 

Ecofeminism is both a political and a spiritual move- 
ment. Ecofeminists differ in their emphases on one or 
the other of these aspects, but all have a common 
mission: TO HALT THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR 
PLANETARY HOME, AND TO GUARANTEE A 
PEACEFUL AND HEALTHY FUTURE FOR ALL ITS 
HUMAN AND NON-HUMAN INHABITANTS. 

As the word implies, Ecofeminism is a synthesis of 
feminist and ecological ideas. Ecology describes the 
interdependence and interconnection of all living 
systems. Ecology speaks for the earth in the human/ 
environment relationship. Feminism speaks for 
women in the male/female relationship. Feminism 
champions women's fundamental right to equal 
participation in political, economic, and social 
spheres. But those spheres we have struggled to 
enter — those forbidden fruits, we are now almost 
close enough to taste — are rotten. Our equal portion 
is violent, rapacious, commodified, homogenized, 
polluted, corrupt, and uncaring. Ecofeminist Ynestra 

34 



King asks, "Do we really want a piece of this carcino- 
genic pie?" 

Ecofeminists also ask, "How did this beautiful blue- 
green planet become so imperiled and its women so 
historically denigrated?" 
The connection between 
the two is the central 
premise of Ecofeminism. 
That premise states that 
the way in which a 
culture structures its 
relations between men 
and women parallels the 
way it structures its 
relationship to the 
natural world. 

Women and nature - 
identified with one 
another because of their common biological cycles 
and life-giving and sustaining abilities are the key 
equation in understanding the current ecological 
crisis. Misogyny lies at the heart of this crisis. 
Woman-hating equals nature-hating. The subjugation 
and exploitation of women equals the subjugation 
and exploitation of nature. Simone de Beauvoir, in 
her 1953 feminist book The Second Sex, first analyzed 
this link and its detriment to women and then advised 
us to break the nature/woman equation by dissociat- 
ing from nature. Ecofeminists, in dramatic (and 
controversial) contrast, call on women to embrace our 
special connection with nature, listen to what it tells 
us, and spread the word. 

It tells us we are holistic beings. Mind and body; 
reason and intuition; spirit and matter are all of a 
single piece. It tells us we are embedded in the 
multiple webs and cycles of nature. It tells us we are 
part of nature, not separate from it. We cannot 
conquer and subdue it unless we want that fate to be 
our own. We cannot live without nature. Nature can 
live without us. 

Women's ecological sensitivity and life orientation are 
both a biological and a social force, and Ecofeminists 
believe we can use this vantage point for creating a 
different kind of culture and politics - one that is 
based on ecological principles. We have Utopian 
vision, we admit. But no revolution in history has 
succeeded without one. 

* An Ecofeminist society would be non-hierarchical. 
The power structures of class, gender, and race would 



be replaced by cooperative structures based on 
mutual benefits. (Ecology tells us there are no hierar- 
chies in nature, only those we project upon it). 

* An Ecofeminist society would be non-patriarchal. A 
true equality and partnership between genders would 
return a balance of male and female values to our 
present world view, which is largely pervaded by 
male values of dominance and aggression. 

* An Ecofeminist society would be non-dualistic. It 
would close the split between culture and nature, 
physical and sensual, reason and emotion, science and 
magic, the personal and political and especially 
between women and men. 

* An Ecofeminist society would cherish diversity. We 
learn from ecology that the more diverse a bioculture, 
the more its chance of survival. We now are living in 
a commodity-based global economy that expands by 
promoting and selling homogeneity. Each year 
hundreds of native cultures disappear and 10,000 
species of plants and animals become extinct. 

* An Ecofeminist society would be compassionate. 
We would have a genuine recognition of our intercon- 
nection and interdependence with other humans and 
with nature. We would feel personally diminished by 
the pain of others and the destruction of nature. 

* An Ecofeminist society would be peaceful. Rapa- 
cious industrialization and militarism would not be 
condoned or rewarded. Greed and violence are the 
expressions of hierarchy, patriarchy, and a dualistic 
world view. 

Some Ecofeminists gather inspiration for this new 
world order quite different from the one George Bush 
has in mind- from archaeological discoveries that 
indicate a period in pre-history, lasting more than 
20,000 years, when peace reigned. The evidence left 
by these peaceful cultures suggests that masculinity 
was not associated with domination and conquest, 
and differences between men and women were not 
ascribed to inferiority or superiority. These "partner- 
ship" cultures, as Riane Eisler describes them in her 
book The Chalice and the Blade, offer hope that there 
has been and could be a better way to conduct life on 
earth. 

Spiritual life in these cultures was embedded in 
nature, which was honored as the source of all cre- 
ativity, wisdom, and justice. That source took the 
form of a Goddess rather than a God. For 
Ecofeminists who emphasize the importance of a 



spiritual relationship with nature, the Goddess has 
become a central symbol, representing the desired 
shift from a violent, destructive, and transcendent 
deity to one of creative, life-giving immanence. These 
theistic Ecofeminists have developed spiritual rituals 
and political actions that celebrate the cycles of nature 
and our deep connectedness with the earth and with 
each other. 

But change cannot take place through metaphor and 
ritual alone. Confronting economic and political 
structures in both private and public arenas is essen- 
tial to the Ecofeminist project. Women must take 
action and make their voices heard. 

Let us: 

* Educate ourselves about local, national, and global 
environmental issues and the economics that drive 
them. 

* Take part in creative forms of resistance against 
environmental degradation. 

* Protest violence and prejudice against humans and 
nonhuman nature. 

* Reopen a personal communion with nature. 

* Use ecologically sustainable technologies. 

* Rethink our consumerism. 

* Practice holistic health care. 

* Accept only those solutions for others we would 
accept for ourselves. 

* Form community where we can find nourishment 
for our convictions and sustained support against 
despair. 

Ecofeminists believe that if this now tattered web of 
life which supports us can be saved, it will be saved 
by reweaving it with female hands. 



Material for this speech was drawn from the following books: 

Reweaving the World: The Emergence of Ecofeminism. Edited by 

Irene Diamond and Gloria Feman Orenstein. Sierra Club 

8001(5,1990. 

Healing the Wounds: The Promise of Ecofeminism . Edited by 

Judith Plant, New Society Publishers, 1990. 



Lyn DelliQuadri writes on the subject of women and art for a 
variety of publications, including The Village Voice, the Chicago 
Reader. She is Director of Graphic Design at The Art Institute 
of Chicago. This article is based on her presentation at St. 
Mary's College, April 15, 1991. 



35 



THE CRETE FESTIVAL STORY 



David Loye 



They came from very different backgrounds but 
over time their experience was remarkably similar. 
One was a refugee from Vienna who saw her father 
hauled off by the Nazis to Gestapo headquarters. 
The other was an American who learned of the 
same basic aspect of our world when her adopted 
land, Greece, was seized by a brutal military junta 
and she and her husband were forced to live in 
exile. 

Years passed and one day the American who 
became a Greek read a new book that was causing 
a stir and saw what both frightened and enraged 
her about our world pinned down with uncanny 
accuracy. The book was by the Viennese who was 
by now an American, after a refugee's flight from 
the Europe of Adolf Hitler. 



Bringing together for the first time the work of 
scores of authorities in a number of fields including 
archaeology, the book, in essence, said that the 
basic problem with our world was that it was run 
by people who were brutalized by a violent Domi- 
nator way of living implanted in our consciousness 
during a cataclysmic culture shift 5,000 years ago. 
It said that what had existed before were 20,000 
years of a more peaceful, equalitarian and highly 
creative "gylanic" or Partnership culture, which 
reached its peak — and this was particularly electri- 
fying to this special reader as well as many other 
readers — among the Minoans, on the Mediterra- 
nean island of Crete. 

The reader was Margarita Papandreou, then wife of 
the Prime Minister of Greece, Andreas Papandreou. 
The book was The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, 
Our Future. It made the point that once again our 
world was engaged in a vast transformational 
shift — but a shift this time out of the Dominator 
model into a modern, higher level version of the 
ancient Partnership culture. Quickly there formed 
within Margarita Papandreou the beginning of a 
great dream: that a world conference to do some- 




Two Women and A Dream: Riane Eisler and Margarita Papandreou. Photo credit: Marylu Raushenbush. 



36 



thing about accelerating the shift from Dominator 
to Partnership ways of living might be held in 
Crete. 

She met the book's author, Riane Eisler, in San 
Francisco and told her of her thoughts. Eisler, too, 
was electrified. As they talked, rapidly the dream 
expanded. What they saw together was that there 
among the inspiring ruins of the beauty and won- 
der of the Minoan culture there might rise up this 
new vision. There might be this gathering of 
women and men of intelligence and passion to 
discuss how to gain the better world now seem- 
ingly at last within our grasp. But it wouldn't be 
just a conference. It would also involve art, music, 
and drama, to celebrate the wonder and the great 
possibilities for the liberated life. There on the 
ashes of that early dream for humanity, there might 
rise up the phoenix of a better future. 




Dukakis, Gimbutas, and Raushenbush 
Photo credit: Marylu Raushenbush 



The word spread through the readers of Eisler' s 
book: there was to be this gathering, for this 
purpose, in the new "homeland." For because of 
the book, that is what Minoan Crete had become 
for thousands hungering for a new vision of how 
life could be, rather than the way it was. The book 
was becoming a best-seller in the U.S., with mul- 
tiple printings. Soon it was being translated and 
published throughout the world — in German, 
French, Finnish, Spanish, Portuguese, Greek, 
Japanese, Chinese and Russian. For readers the 
idea of "returning" to Minoan Crete was becoming 
like Jerusalem for the Jews or Mecca for Moslems. 



Then the problems began: terrorism in the Middle 
East, the downfall of the Papandreou government, 
the Gulf War, financing problems, organizing 
problems — and at the heart, always the difficulties 
of trying to help launch a world gathering on a 
very meaningful but small island from a big coun- 
try thousands of miles away. 

The Crete Festival was first set for 1989, then 1990. 
Now, after a large effort by Greeks in Athens and 
on Crete — and because of Margarita Papandreou's 
determination to see it happen — it's set for October 
4-11,1992. 

In keeping with the well-known zest of Greeks as 
well as Americans for big excitements, the idea 
originally was to have a big meeting that would be 
everything to everybody. Mindful of economic and 
organizing practicalities, the idea now is to get off 
the ground with a relatively small gathering that 
will be the first of a series over the years ahead. For 
this first time out, it is Margarita Papandreou's idea 
to have a gathering primarily of social activists for 
intensive workshops. Additionally there will be 
public events — including a larger plenary session, 
concerts, special films, and visits to the famous 
Minoan sites for a larger number of visitors. But 
primarily the focus will be on discussions by 
activists of what to do about the opportunity for 
significant change that has suddenly opened up in 
our world. 

With the end of the Cold War, the collapse of 
communism generally, a beginning for the global 
scaling back of armaments, and the rapid spread of 
ecological awareness, the time is ripe for re-priori- 
tizing and setting more effective agendas. 
Margarita Papandreou, Riane Eisler, and all others 
involved also feel that the Partnership idea offers a 
new way of helping present organizations in the 
peace, ecology, feminist, human rights, and other 
resonating movements link up with one another 
and with concerned world leaders in effective new 
ways. 

Wherever possible, workshops will be facilitated bv 
a woman and a man. There will also be a special 
honoring of governmental, business and media 
leaders, and actors, actresses, film makers and 
others of both genders whose creative efforts show 
women as well as men of strength working to make 
our world a safer, more fulfilling and more enjoy- 
able place. 



.T 




David Loye. Photo credit: Marylu Raushenbush. 



Besides Margarita Papandreou, Riane Eisler, and 
the great archaeologist of the early Goddess cul- 
ture, Marija Gimbutas, there will be other "name" 
speakers for inspiration. Two women who recently 
decided this dream is also theirs are noted actresses 
Olympia Dukakis and Ellen Burstyn. Olympia 
Dukakis, fired up by the idea and eager to do 
something significant for the world as well as her 
Greek homeland, along with partner Remi Bosseau, 
wants to bring her new "Voices of Earth" perfor- 
mance to the Festival. Ellen Burstyn will bring her 
outstanding film "Resurrection" for a showing and 
discussion. 

The main focus, however, will be on plenary 
sessions and workshops where changes in every- 
thing from personal relationships and family life to 
ecological action and human rights will be dis- 
cussed. 



In essence, participants will be looking for the 
answers to questions in the following areas: 

Economics — what kind of a world do we want 
beyond communism and traditional capitalism? 

Politics — how do we develop, encourage, and 
support the new kind of Partnership leaders? 

Spirituality — how do we cast off the shackles of 
the Dominator religions and give spirituality 
new room to breathe? 

Culture — how do we accelerate the move from a 
hopeless and disheartening deconstructionism 
to art, drama and music that is exciting, con- 
structionist and hopeful? 

Much discussion can also be expected of the bed- 
rock point that Eisler makes in The Chalice and the 
Blade: that the new world rests on gender rela- 
tions^ — how to accelerate the shift from 5,000 years 
of male dominance in all areas of significant social 
power into a new partnership between women and 
men. 

The problems continue: organizational, financial, 
cross- Atlantic coordination. But the feeling is the 
timing is so right now, and the need so great, that — 
in the language of the film and television world — 
this time the Crete Festival will make it out of 
development into the pilot stage, and then into the 
full-fledged series. 

If you want to make a donation or get on the 
mailing list for an invitation, send your information 
request or tax-deductible donation to the Center for 
Partnership Studies, P.O. Box 51934, Pacific Grove, 
CA 93950. Make checks payable to the Center for 
Partnership Studies and designate donation specifi- 
cally to the Crete Festival. 



David Loye is co-founder, with Riane Eisler, of the Center for 
Partnership Studies in Pacific Grove, California. 



38 



THE CRETE FESTIVAL PHOTO ALBUMN BY MARYLU RAUSHENBUSH 



T 




39 



THE CRETE FESTIVAL PHOTO ALBUMN BY MARYLU RAUSHENBUSH 





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BULL-DANCING: 

AN INTERVIEW ON CRETE, 2500 B.C. 

Tell me what it's like. 

He spoke first. 

As a child, you watch. Breath caught. 

At night you dream of spinning through the air. 

She smiled. 

You practice. Somersaults. Handsprings in the grass. 
Running barefoot. Leaping, catching onto 
limbs of trees and swinging. 

He said: We work together. 

I know the warmth of her palm, 
Where it swells and where it hollows. 

She answers: I know the feel of his wrist, 
the ridge of its bone, 
the sure, sound sting of connection. 

She hesitates. 

Racing forward, I tell the bull: 

Come lift me up and swing me into him. 

He turns. 

Racing forward, I feel her waiting like a net, 
trembling in the dusty wind, but taut. 

We work together, she and I, he says. 

We work together, he and I and the bull, she says. 

He nods yes. 

We feel the rhythm of the bull. Its hesitations, 

lowered head, clumsy starts, swift approach. 
She nods yes. 
She whispers: 
When the bull paws the ground, my bare foot 

scrapes against the sand. 



Madeleine Van Hecke 

41 



DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS 



Pamela Smith Schweppe 

Five of them, sisters, juicy as figs — plump to nearly 
bursting through their clean clear skins. Griselda, 
the eldest, with dark filbert eyes that watched, 
watched everything, so sagacious before their time. 
Gardenia, the second, as pink and blonde as her 
sister was brown and bronze, with a smile that 
darkened as she grew more delectable, and then 
went black. The third girl was Geneva, named for 
a lake and a town. Sulky, sultry Geneva, with a 
beauty as exotic as her name, ripening deliriously 
as she advanced toward her teens. The other two: 
practically babies. Twins. Fraternal. Sororal. 
Georgina and Grippina. Sisters in the womb, in 
bed, the little twin bed they shared in the dark back 
room where sunlight slatted against the wall 
through a louvered blind. Mere children still, 
succulent with baby fat, streaks of blonde like 
marbling in their char-brown hair, like mottled 
sunlight, darkening as they grew old before then- 
time. 

Hush, hush, children, don't tell mom, it's our little 
secret. Yours and Griselda's and Gardenia's and 
Geneva's and mine. 

How did it begin? Not with the eldest. Gardenia 
was the first. Gardenia, home from school — was it 
first or second grade? — ill with measles, or perhaps 
it was the flu, day after day on the daybed in the 
family room, her compact little body like a Brazil 
nut, so small beneath the sheet. Gardenia, with her 
plump arms reaching out to daddy, for comfort, for 
a hug. Hugsies, she called it. "Daddy, hugsies." 
Wanting to be tucked in, tended to, waiting to feel 
her daddy's big broad hand at her sides, on her 
legs. Gardenia, hot, feverish, moaning, squirming 
side to side, canopied by the smell of her unwashed 
hair. 

Lie still, Gardenia, lie still, my little girl, and daddy will 
teach you a new game, a special game, just you and 
daddy, together on your bed. 

Afterwards changing the sheet, mom laughing. 
"You never changed a sheet in your life." Explain- 
ing: they looked so sweaty and wrinkled. Folding 
them to hide the stains. Thinking: if she asks I'll tell 
her, and then I'll never have to do it again. 



She didn't ask. 

To the doctor! No. Gardenia's getting better. 
Tomorrow as good as new. Take her to the doctor? 
Daddy will take her, he'll take her. Thinking: why 
isn't mom enough? Wanting to stop, needing to 
stop, to throw light into the terrifying darkness, 
wanting not to want. You are the fruit and I am the 
seed and the rind. There is nothing lower than my body 
prone against your bed. Lying in black togetherness. 
Love and hate, fear and invincibility, good and evil, 
pleasure and pain. 

Get Gardenia out of bed! 

Griselda was next, and then the toddler, Geneva, 
each looking so wise and yet so frightened beneath 
her minute brows. I don't want to hurt you, tell me if 
I'm hurting you, but be sure that you tell me and not 
your mom. Mom, who takes children to the doctor, 
wise little brown and blonde children, obedient 
little children who know enough not to talk about 
their dad. (Daddy will punish you if you don't obey.) 
Mom, who doesn't know enough to ask. Mom, 
who is no longer enough at all. 

Hello. Yes, this is Russell Krugh. Trouble at 
school? No, I can't understand it. They're never 
any trouble at home. (They're seldom here. They 
come home late. They never bring friends. They're 
afraid to go to their rooms.) Thank you for telling me. 
Yes, I'll take care of it. I can make my girls behave. 

Six eyes, round as cherries. What's daddy going to 
do now? I'm the big bad wolf, the wicked witch, the 
ogre. I'm going to eat you up. "Please, daddy, no." 
Devouring children like cashews. Thirsting for 
their tears. J can't stop, you can't stop me, no one can 
make me stop. Young eyes, so sad, accusing, feeding 
daddy's fear and shame. Don't look like that, young 
ladies. You'll get your daddy angry. You know what 
happens when you get your daddy mad. How much do 
they know at school? How much have they told? 

Mom has good news for the family. Another baby 
is on the way. Mom, who is no longer enough. 
Her belly like a canteloupe, she is pushing daddy 
away. "Go sleep somewhere else tonight. Be quiet. 
Don't wake up the girls." 

Hush, hush, Geneva, Gardenia, Griselda, little sugar- 
plum fairies, hush, hush, my sweet little girls. Don't 
wake up your mom. 

" The questions! The girls ask such strange ques- 



tions! Why some people are bigger. Why boys are 
stronger. Why fairy tales are cruel. Why houses 
don't have locks on the inside. But they never ask 
where babies come from. I'm pregnant. Their 
mom is pregnant. Why don't they want to know?" 

Praying: Dear God, let it be a boy. 

It was not a girl. It was two. 

Bringing them home from the hospital. Trying not 
to hold them, not to touch the cotton-soft skin, not 
to smell the newborn scent. Trying to avoid the 
dim back room, the bassinets, so small next to a 
man. Mom complaining. "There are two of them. 
I can't do everything. I can't feed, burp, bathe, and 
diaper both at once." Adding: "Griselda wants me 
to send them away to be adopted. What a strange 
child she's become!" It's rivalry, sibling rivalry. 
Believe she's jealous of the newborn ones. 

Newborns, infants, toddlers, healthy children, 
healthy bodies, all intact. Legs, fingers, toes, ears, 
noses. Bellies round as potatoes, little nipples like 
eyelets, so dark and still so flat. Daddy is your 
teacher. You must learn to be a woman someday. 

"Daddy, stop! They're nearly babies!" J can't, 
Gardenia, I can't. They're mine! Wanting to be 
stopped, but not found out. Twin impulses. Twin 
desires. 

Twins. 

Grippina, so tiny, like a fat blanched almond, lying 
like a wounded soldier on a spot on the sheet. Not 
crying like the others. Brave girl, brave girl. Your 
daddy's proud. Like a whole bag of almonds rolling 
down from her oval eyes. Green eyes, turning 
brown. He loves you, Grippina. Daddy loves you, 
Grippina. Lying so still beside Georgina on the 
speckled sheet. Watching, like Griselda, with wide 
almond eyes. Watching, watching, watching, 
waiting her turn. 

A rash on Georgina's mouth? She must have 
scraped herself on something. Bloodstains on the 
linens? They must have hurt themselves playing, 
in the yard, on a swing, on a stair. No wounds? 
They heal quickly, young ones do. Invisible 
wounds, invisible scars. It happens sooner or later. 
Better to get it over with now. 

Let daddy kiss it and make it better. Sh, sh, make no 
sound. That's daddy's little girl. You make your daddy 
proud. 



"Geneva needs a head doctor. She's brooding, 
depressed. She flies into rages over nothing. And 
she cries all the time." Geneva's head is fine. "And 
Griselda! Griselda's running wild. She has the 
worst reputation in town. She's never home nights. 
I can't control her. I think she's out with boys." 
I've missed my little Griselda. In her room, over the 
garage. Hush, hush, sweet Griselda. Make room for 
daddy now. 

It's in magazines and newspapers, it's even on TV. 
Children and strangers. It's better with their dads. 
Daddy can teach them, daddy can help them. No 
one ever needs to know. It's our little secret. It's 
better that they get it over with now, that they leam 
it from someone they know. The loathing, the shame! 

No doctors! "There's something wrong with 
Grippina." 

Grippina. 

It was Grippina was told. Fifth of five by five 
minutes. And she was only five years old. "No, 
mommy, no! Don't leave me alone with the big 
man!" 

"It's only the doctor, Grippina. He's going to help 
you." 

"Don't let him touch me! No!" 

Diagnosis: This child has been abused. 

Incensed, mom and daddy. "We're excellent 
parents. We don't raise a hand to the child. We 
don't beat, burn, batter, bruise her. She has no 
welts, no scars." The wounds are invisible. 

Grippina, brave soldier, tears coming at last. 
"Don't make me play with his secret toy." Mean- 
ing the doctor. Meaning men. Meaning daddy- 
Five girls, one by one, the same diagnosis. 
Grippina, Georgina, Geneva, Gardenia, Griselda. 
No doctors! No! "These children have been 
abused." They're mine! 

"Who has been doing this to them?" 

Mom knows! "I'll make sure you never see your 
kids again." 

Never to see them again. Never to hold their 
fruitful bodies, never to kiss their chubby fingers, 
pink fat cheeks, or brooding eyes. Never to see 
them grow and develop, thick waists slimming, 



43 



thin chests swelling, hips and thighs. 

Mom says: "How could you do this to your chil- 
dren? How could you be so vile?" 

But daddy loves them all so tenderly. They're his onliest 
little diddle-ums. His iddy snooky-ookums. His babies. 
His berries. His brides. 

Mom says: "You're sick. You're an animal. You 
belong in a kennel." 

Why aren't you taking daddy's side? 

Griselda: "I hate you." 

Geneva: "Don't touch me." 

"Gardenia: (tears). Let me kiss them away. "No, 
daddy, no!" 

The neighbors: "Did you hear about Russell 
Krugh? He was just like all of us, with his station 
wagon and his lawnmower and his barbecue. Five 
girls! All of them? One at a time. My God! He 
drove the Girl Scouts to summer camp! My God! 
He coached the girls' softball team! Tell me, 
Cheryl, Shelley, Beryl, tell the truth now, you all 
right? What do you do with your Vaseline? What 
do you know of the facts of life?" 

I'm not their dad. They're not my little girls. 

"Do you want to press charges, Mrs. Krugh? Mrs. 
Krugh, shall we prosecute?" 

"No." 

"What about the children?" 

(They don't come to see me. They don't send me letters. 
They don't bring me kisses, chocolate and strawberry- 
sweet.) 

"They've suffered enough. I won't make them 
responsible for putting their daddy in jail." 

"But what do the children want? Don't the chil- 
dren have rights, too?" Five children, the Krugh 
girls. Five, five, eleven, fourteen, seventeen. Every 
one of them still underage, a minor. Officially non- 
adult. 

"They don't press charges. He needs help. He'll 
never see them again." I can't stop. "There are 
authorities, agencies, counselors." No. Take the 
girls, take the girls. 

Goodbye, goodbye, sweet children, shadowed house, back 



bedroom, daybed, room over the garage, each painted 
with strips of sunlight, brunette and blonde. The 
Krugh girls, growing up and away from him, 
fleeing into their teens. Haven't I taken care of you, 
watched over you, night after night? 

Nights gone by without them, dreaming about 
them in the dark, pale faces glowing, growing 
older, catching up with their eyes. Hushed nights 
alone in the darkness, black rage swelling, empty 
arms cleaving the air for the pressure of daddy's 
little girls. "You'll never see them again." (NO!) 
They'll never know their daddy loved them. 
"You're sick. You're an animal." (NO!) They'll 
forget everything but that, the terrible secret. 
(Daddy's secret toy.) 

Who will give their daddy hugsies? Who will 
bring light into the vacuum with the smell of 
sunshine on their skin? You'll grow to be a woman 
someday. Who will teach them? Who will take their 
daddy's place? 

Only Gardenia tried to understand him. Gentle, 
blossoming Gardenia, his soft-petaled flower. The 
first, but not the eldest. The one with the oldest 
scar. Only she still tried to see him, occasionally. 
In a public place. "I know you couldn't help it, 
daddy. But why, daddy? Why?" 

I'm still your dad. No matter what your daddy did. 
"Yes. You're still our dad." 

You're mine 1 . 

Watching the neighbors' children, looking through 
them like a prism for daddy's little girls. Seeing the 
nose or the cheekbones of one of his girls beneath 
the strangers' eyes. Trying not to touch the skin of 
his daughters on a stranger's little hand. They're 
not my girls. 

Waiting alone, for nothing, wanting nothing to be 
enough. The bitterness ripening slowly, like a 
lemon swelling beneath its thickening skin, grow- 
ing to fill the dark places, the corners light couldn't 
penetrate. The horrible blackness within, gnawing, 
feeding on the rottenness, attracted toward the 
repugnant decay, the evil core. (HELP ME!) 
"There are counselors, agencies." No. 

Children playing hopscotch on the sidewalk, away 
from home, their moms and daddies. Tart little 
apples lying fallow on the ground. Who will teach 
them? Who will guide them? You must learn to be a 



44 



woman someday. If s everywhere. In magazines and 
newspapers, on radio and TV. Children and 
strangers. It's better with their dads. 

Hello, little girl. What's your daddy like at home? 
Does he keep you like a secret? Are you afraid of 
going home? I'm your next-door neighbor. I 
raised five little girls like you. Just like you, with 
older eyes. 

"Don't your children have a right to be protected?" 
Mom says: "Don't worry. He'll never see them 
again." 

The neighborhood bursting with children brown as 
nut meats, sweet as the scent of rotting fruit. 
They're not my girls. I'm not their dad. In the park, 
on the playground, their little limbs pumping, their 
fine soft hair flaying the sun. (Griselda: "I hate 
you, daddy." Gardenia: "Yes, you're still our 
dad.") Never to see them again, playing. Never to 
play the secret game. 

You're right, mom, you're right, mom, keep the girls 
away. No matter how much I plead with you, keep them 
all away. Daddy's girls. Five. 

Hello, little girl. Would you like some candy? Can 
I offer you a ride? 

Little girls, short, stunted fruit trees, shadowed 
dimples, darkness looming from lost-tooth smiles. 
Stooping to smell their hair, brunette and blonde 
hair, yellow, black, and brown. Soft hair, soft 
cheeks and fingers, velvet-soft innocent eyes. 

Come in, come in, dear children. Let me teach you a 
special game, a secret game. Hush, hush, make no 
sound. (Daddy will punish you if you don't obey.) 

Wanting, always wanting, no longer wanting not to 
want. No longer wanting to be stopped. Accus- 
tomed to the blinding darkness. Wanting only to 
feel, to touch, to taste. "Hugsies, daddy." Alone, 
untouchable in the silence, listening for the childish 
cries. "No, daddy, no!" (I can't stop, you can't stop 
me.) What's daddy going to do now? 

"There are authorities, agencies." (No one can make 
me stop.) 

Hello, little girl. Let's pretend I'm your daddy. I'm 
going to teach you something special that only 
grown-ups know. 

"Don't the children have rights, too?" (It's better 



with their dads.) 

"I hate you, daddy." 

Daddy loves you, little girls. 



Pamela Schmeppe is a prize-winning writer whose work 
includes three novels and a play as well as short stories. She 
lives in Acton, Massachusetts. 



45 





BOOK REVIEW 





SURVIVING THE WRECK 

Susan Osborn 

Henry Holt and Company, New York, 1992 

Reviewed by Patte Wheat LeVan 



Megan Arbuthnot is a 30-year-old incest survivor 
who tells the story of her family in a series of 
flashbacks, in dreamscape scenes that are the way 
we tend to remember incidents in our childhoods. 

Author Osborn establishes early on that the father 
is alcoholic and sexually abusive, but the abuse 
begins slowly, insidiously, nonviolently. He is sly, 
charming, clever, funny, manipulative; at four, 
Megan adores him. The alcoholism is acknowl- 
edged as a fact of life by Megan's mother, but we 
begin to understand that the sexual abuse has been 
the family secret for over 25 years. Megan exam- 
ines old photos of her father's family, deftly 
captioning family members and their addictions, 
ending with "weird Edith, the only one who pre- 
ferred schizophrenia to drugs." She describes a 
snapshot of her father at three — "there are circles 
under his eyes, circles far too deep for a child his 
age. .his family's craziness — that explains it all. Yet, 
when I think it's over and done with, I still find 
myself looking through photographs, searching for 
a way to forgive him, for a way to excuse what he 
did." 

The novel itself is like a film composed of artfully 
juxtaposed still pictures, breathing us back and 
forth in time. I am reminded of the recent Civil 
War TV series on PBS, narrated to the tragic mov- 
ing still-life of Matthew Brady's photography — but 
what the reader sees here is the emotional and 
psychological civil war of a family trapped in the 
silence of denial. 

The dysfunctional family heritage is again under- 
scored as the quiet horror story of her mother's 
childhood is revealed. Megan's tyrannical German 
martinet grandfather, a doctor whose inner dead- 
ness expressed itself in icy control, systematically 
thwarted, forbade and destroyed, in the name of 
discipline and sanitation, everything that held any 




importance for his daughter. "And so," Megan 
relates, "my mother lived a disinfected and 
unsullied existence, sterilized of all unclean habits 
that might challenge the Doctor's authority, free of 
the necessity of self-affirmation since everything 
was affirmed for her well before she had time to 
think that she might have something to affirm." 

The artistry of the author is such that as a reader I 
am never titillated, I am never a voyeur, explicit 
sexual acts are never described; instead I am drawn 
into the world of the child with the attendant 
feelings of suffocation, guilt, helplessness, isolation, 
in a house where boundaries are nonexistent. 
Megan's recurring dreams contain hints, symbols, 
but we share the child's experience of the void, the 
blank, her need to disassociate from the raw reality 
of the most unbearable moments in order to sur- 
vive. 

The reader who has been initiated in an under- 
standing of sexual abuse from experience, research 
or both gets it that Megan at 30 is probably at that 
stage of healing where she is able to distance 
herself from the family enough to analyze, to 
examine what happened here — who were these 



46 




This gracefully written and deeply insightful first 
novel is certainly important reading for the many 
thousands of incest survivors. It also provides a 
clear map of the terrain so that we are better able to 
understand the feelings of the survivors and to 
break through more of the cultural denial about 
what can and does happen in nice middle-class 
American families. 



Patte Wheat LeVan is a nationally certified alcohol/drug 
counselor and the author of several books and other 
publications on child abuse and parenting, including HOPE 
FOR THE CHILDREN, the history of Parents Anonymous, 
published in 1979. She is currently living in northwest Indiana 
and is the editor of THE MESSENGER, the official publication 
of the Swedenborgian Church of North America. 



Susan Osborn 



people? Ifs a long journey between survival and 
wholeness. Before feelings of real compassion can 
be reached, there is the wild seesawing between 
premature forgiveness and rage, the slow rebuild- 
ing of self-esteem, the lonely battle to break 
through her mother's and brother's denial. Her 
yearning determination to reestablish the broken 
bond with her mother is expressed in their strained 
visits and awkward dialogue, and their coming of 
age in dealing with her father's flamboyant disinte- 
gration. These two battered women have survived 
years of abuse and humiliation; each time they're 
together the love they feel for each other is strug- 
gling to emerge and overcome the inhibiting fear 
and a lifetime of silence. We sense a shared intui- 
tive knowing that the forgiveness and self-accep- 
tance they can offer each other is the only thing that 
can make them whole. The reader who has had 
some experience in grappling with family healing 
views these two in their frustrated dance, cheering 
them on, urging, come on, you can do it, just let go 
and say what's in your heart, pour it out. Megan 
and her mother haven't reached that point of 
catharsis by novel's end, but we're left with the 
feeling that there's a good chance they will, because 
they will keep making the effort. 



4- 





BOOK REVIEW 





A WOMAN'S PLACE 

By Rex Denver Borough 

America West Books, Albuquerque, NM, 1992 



Reviewed by Helen E. Hughes 

Could an independent, dark-horse candidate run 
away with this year's presidential election? No, this 
novel is not about the H. Ross Perot phenomenon, 
but the story of Katy Jenkins, ex-governor, now 
senior Congresswoman from New Mexico, and her 
precipitous campaign for the American presidency. 
The country is fed up with both political parties, 
their abuses of power, lack of fiscal responsibility, 
and indifference to the public health; the upstart 
National Coalition Party taps into this disaffection 
and convinces Katy that the time has come for a 
woman in the Oval Office. 

The story takes place between July and November 
of an election year. The movers and shakers of 
Washington inside-the-beltway, the main charac- 
ters of today's headlines, and even the familiar 
personages in the Women's Movement, all are 
recognized behind thin disguises, which make this 
book as timely and entertaining a read as you are 
likely to have this Summer. The heroine is smart, 
plucky, thinks fast on her feet, and eloquent as she 
articulates her platform, fields questions at a press 
conference and rides a groundswell of popular 
support. The plot includes Katy's youthful indiscre- 
tion and sorrow, a secret that inevitably comes out, 
and the formidable opposition she faces from 
Democrats, Republicans, right-wingers and reli- 
gious fundamentalists. 

As I found myself captivated by this engrossing 
tale, I asked,"Who knows the scene inside Wash- 
ington, D.C. and is familiar with the environs of 
New Mexico, to check the author's accuracy and 
credibility?" and came up with old friends, Paddy 
and Shirley Frucht, late of Silver Spring, Maryland 
and now of Santa Fe. Paddy, an economist, taught 
at Columbia, among other places, and served on 
the President's Council of Economic Advisors. 
Shirley, teacher of algebra, has been deeply im- 
mersed in the art and music scene in Santa Fe. Off 




went the book, and back came their comments: 
Shirley wrote, "It's incredible that a man could have 
such womanly insight into factors of romance and 
love, and knowing what will please the crowd in 
any situation. For the first time, reading this book I 
felt on the inside of what goes on just to get the 
nomination from the Party. Based on my living in 
Santa Fe for the last ten years I can say that the 
local color is 100% accurate. While it is not a great 
book, it is a good book — well-written, suspenseful, 
a plot that sustains itself to the end, a very good, 
fast read. Caprock County is typical in its demo- 
graphics: there are no African- Americans to speak 
of. However, Borough has left out the majority - 
the Hispanics! This is not realistic for New Mexico." 
Paddy took a less sanguine view, "This is an enter- 
taining, fast-moving plot. His description of the 
processes of nomination and campaigning are 
extensive but superficial. Katy wings too many of 
her important addresses, she doesn't have enough 
professional position papers, and, in fact, doesn't 
seem to have any professional advisors. The result 
is a book that is pleasant, it's fun, but not plau- 
sible." 

The last word: could they please keep the book for 
their friends and family to read? That says it all. 



48 





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consisting of 88 pages of exceptional quality 
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ANNOUNCEMENTS 





Call For Contributions 

At The Crossroads , a new feminist magazine, is looking for 
essays, articles, book reviews, theory, research, and first 
person narratives. At The Crossroads brings together the tools 
and perspectives of feminism, spirituality and "new paradigm" 
science to explore reality, especially the spiritual reality that 
western culture so often denies. The purpose of the exploration 
is curiosity and the desire to change the basis of modern culture 
from patriarchal, mechanistic, and materialistic to a living, 
loving, life-respecting, connecting culture that treasures all of 
life. 

At The Crossroads wants women and earth affirming writing, and 
especially encourages women of color and lesbians to contribute. 
For more information, write: At The Crossroads P.O. Box 112 
St. Paul, AR 72760. 



THE FLIGHT OF THE MIND 

622 Southeast 29th Avenue Portland OR 97214 (503) 236-9862 

FLIGHT OF THE MIND announces two week-long writing workshops for 
women, summer 1992. Workshop leaders for the week of July 26th to August 
2nd will be Jewelle Gomez (Short Fiction); Naomi Shihab Nye (Poetry); Evelyn 
C. White (When the Rainbow is Enough /Writing Across Race); Andrea 
Carlisle (Transformation: From Autobiography to Short Story) and Judith 
Barrington (Landscape and Memory). 

For the week of August 31st to September 7th, the program will be: Ursula 
K. Le Guin (Short Fiction); Michelle Cliff (Memory, History and Imagination); 
Barbara Wilson (Investigating the Mystery); Beth Brant (Narratives and the 
Oral Tradition), and Judith Barrington (The Music of Poetry). 

Both weeks will take place on the McKenzie River in the Oregon Cascades. 
Cost for the week ranges from $475 up, depending on accommodation chosen, 
and includes tuition, lodging, and all meals. There are scholarships and college 
credit available. Application deadline for both workshops is May 11th. For a 
brochure and details on how to apply, send a 1st class stamp (no envelope) to 
Flight of the Mind, 622 S.E. 29th Ave, Portland, OR 97214. 



50 





ANNOUNCEMENTS 





WOMEN'S ALLIANCE 
P.O. Box 21454 
Oakland, CA 94620-1454 




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JUNE 13 - 20, 1992 % • 5 NEVADA CITY, CALIFORNIA ' • $625 







Rachel Bagby • Christina Baldwin • Madonna Beard • Barbara Borden • Maria Campbell 

JMorma CordeU • Flor Fernandez • Lizanne Fisher • Rae Gabriel • Adele Getty • Tory Hughes 

.Vivian Jaye • Colleen Kelley • Yiiig Lee Kelley • Joan Marler • Mary Love May • Deena Metzger 

Maria Nemeth • Gloria Orenstein • Fran Peavey • Rhiannon • Elizabeth Roberts • Natalie Rogers 

* . Lori Saltzman • Vernice Solimar • Tynowyn • Vivienne Verdon-Roe • Susun Weed 



Presented by Women's Alliance, P.O. Box 21454, Oakland, CA 94620 (510) 658-2949 



51 





LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 





Neve Shalom/Wahat al-Salam 
Israel 

Dear Helen, 

I'm comfortably nesting in a wee cottage complete 
with lace curtains, tablecloths, and a giant teddy 
bear which looks 
down benevolently 
from a high cabinet/ 
closet top. He be- 
longs to the oldest 
child at Neve Sha- 
lom/Wahat al-Salam, 
who is now doing 
her compulsory 
military service. 

I've also rented a car 
after dragging equip- 
ment on buses to 
interview women. 
Once was enough! I 
was exhausted by the 
time I arrived at 
Alice Shalvi's. She 
took a look at me and 
said, "What hap- 
pened to you, Bar- 
bara?!" She is doing 
well and should be 
back in the States 
again in a few weeks. 

So, I rented an air- 
conditioned stick 
shift car, for gobs of 
money per month. 
It's worth every 
penny. I also learned 
to drive a stick shift 

in the mountains. Haifa is like San Francisco. I had 
some scary experiences after stopping on a steep 
incline and trying to get the car to go foward rather 
than backward. The trick is to use the handbrake 
which no one told me at first. 

I've just returned from an excellent three-day 
conference on Twenty Years of Feminism in Israel. I 
saw so many women I've been wanting to meet. 




They send regards to The Creative Woman. Some 
had seen the special issue we did on Women of 
Israel when it was first published. I attended a 
fascinating discussion on women in politics, led by 
Naomi Chazan and attended by Galia Golan and 
Sophie Muller — three of the five women who were 
organized at the 
convention of the 
Ratz (Citizen's Rights) 
Party. In a squeeze 
play by the men 
(there were thirteen 
men and five women) 
they were told to 
choose one woman 
for the last three seats 
in likely-to-be-elected 
spots, so they chose 
Naomi and will rotate 
the position next time. 
They're trying to 
make women's issues 
known. I had a visit 
with Marilyn Safir 
who is head of 
women's studies at 
Haifa university. I 
interviewed an 
exciting Palestinian 
woman, Nabila 
Espanioli of Nazareth, 
who is a clinical 
psychologist working 
in early childhood 
education, for bat- 
tered women, dia- 
logues, and other 
feminist issues. She's 
going to direct a 
woman's center for Palestinian women of Nazareth 
which will promote women's growth, self esteem, 
career choices, etc. She is an open, single-by-choice, 
Palestinian Christian woman who got her doctorate 
in clinical psychology from Germany. She does 
therapy on a voluntary basis with Palestinian 
women who experienced rape, incest or domestic 
violence and have no other resources. She has 
trained at the B.A. and M.A. level as a social 



52 





LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 





worker in Israel. What love, naturalness, openness 
and energy from that woman! 

I also attended workshops on non-violent methods 
which were experiential and fun; on lesbian and 
heterosexual women and their issues; a program on 
feminist film analysis; a marvelous play by a 
woman from Seattle on her view of Sarah and 
Hagar's lives (based on a poem by Pesha Gerther) 
which had me in tears. 

I missed a cabaret because I went off to bed (col- 
lapsed) about 11:30 p.m. I was told that Ada 
Aharoni read a poem dedicated to me. I learned of 
it the next morning. Ada had said nothing about it 
when we had coffee and pastry after an evening 
program. I'll get a copy of the poem when I see her 
in Haifa. 

There were women breast-feeding children, dogs 
enjoying themselves, and activities for kids in this 
very free atmosphere at Givat Haviva. All our 
meals were prepared for us at the Kibbutz. I en- 
joyed the swimming pool. Others played basket- 
ball, meditated, danced, or whatever. Women there 
ranged from teens/college students to women in 
their late seventies. We were different races and 
ethinic groups, and we all had a good time. 

I've got to go shopping! Howard arrives at 
4:45 a.m. 

Love and global sisterhood and peace, 
Barbara 

The card on the opposite page was embroidered by women at 
jabalia refugee camp, so I'm supporting life and culture at the 
same time. I bought it at the NS/WAS gift shop. 



Dear Helen Hughes and The Creative Woman 
staff, 

Under other circumstances, I would be thanking 
you for printing information on behalf of the Salem 
Witch Trial Memorial statue project. Now, I must 
inform you of negative changes. There are deep 
problems with the project and many things have 
gone wrong. At this time I do not want my name to 
be connected with this questionable project. My 
integrity is important to me; I appreciate your help 
in setting the record straight on this matter. 



Sincerely, 

Ann Forfreedom 

San Francisco 



(Dr. Barbara Jenkins was Guest Editor of our Fall 1988 issue, 
"Women of Israel: Jewish and Arab/Palestinian". She is 
spending a second sabbatical in Israel, continuing her research 
on women. Ed.) 



53 





EDITOR'S COLUMN 





Potpourri 

These are hard times for the women's movement in 
some ways. The reality of the backlash, as reviewed 
in our previous issue, appears even more omni- 
present and ominous as we take a clear look at the 
reality of violence and abuse that our writers have 
contributed to this issue. In this month's mail: 
Feminist Voices, a sister publication, announces 




they are ceasing publication; Bread and Roses, a 
feminist bookstore in Sherman Oaks , California, 
who has carried The Creative Woman for the past 
five years, writes to tell us that they are going out 
of business. 




On the other hand, hard times can energize us, and 
provide motivation. More women are running for 
political office this election year than ever before, 
and it seems likely that the United States Senate 
will add one, two, or three women to that body. 
With Carol Moseley Braun, Barbara Boxer and 
Diane Feinstein out there, this is no time to lose 
heart. 

The editors of this issue are planning to attend the 
International Partnership Festival on the island of 
Crete in October. This ought to recharge our batter- 
ies! 



Recommended Reading 

Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects 
in Women by E. Sue Blume, John Wiley and Sons, 
1990. A useful feature of this book is the Incest 
Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist, containing 34 
symptoms or markers most often found in this 
group. Blume, after specializing in the treatment of 
women and their relationships, developed this 
diagnostic tool for identifying and addressing 
hidden sexual trauma. 

Into the Silence: Healing the Wounds of Abuse by Marj, 
White Oaks Publications, Victor, New York, 1992. 
A searching, honest, poetic journey toward self 
knowledge. 

On the State of the Magazine 

Nirmala Grutzuis has graduated from Governors 
State University with an honors degree in manage- 
ment and has left her position as Business Manager 
of The Creative Woman for greener fields in the 
city. As we bid her a fond adieu, with thanks for 
her competent and unfailing services for the past 
two years, we wish her success in all her future 
endeavors. Newly on board is Kathryn Godfrey, 
taking over the office, learning the ropes, and 
organizing our cartons of over-the-transom 
(unsolicited) manuscripts. Kathryn will help us on 
our annual table at the Printer's Row Book Fair this 
Summer. Welcome to Kathryn! 

We have been through an interesting process for 
the past six months, seeking a new home for this 
fifteen year publication. About forty inquiries came 
in following our advertisement of availability. 
Together with the Business Office of the University, 
we sent out a Request for Proposals to all those 
who had expressed interest. On June 2, the dead- 
line date, we opened the bids, ranked them, and 
prepared for the next stage — writing a contract, 
and closing the process with a transfer of rights to 
publish The Creative Woman, starting January 1, 
1993. In our Fall 1992 farewell issue, the last to be 
published at Governors State University, we'll 
announce and introduce the new publisher. 

HEH 



54 



Sale of Back Issues: These rare, almost out-of-print issues are available, $5 each. 



Vol. 1, 
Vol. 2, 
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Vol. 6, 
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Vol. 7, 
Vol. 7, 
Vol. 7, 
Vol. 7, 
Vol. 8, 
Vol. 8, 
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No. 4 
No. 1 
No. 4 
No. 2 
No. 3 
No. 1 
No. 3 
No. 2 
No. 3 
No. 4 
No. 1 
No. 2 
No. 3 
No. 4 
No. 1 
No. 3 
No. 3 



Women in Science 

Images: Women in Art 

Feminist Scholarship 

Year of the Child 

Women Sailing 

Energy in Living Systems 

Snow Flowers 

Third World Women 

Men Changing 

The Goddess 

Poetry 

Women in the Performing Arts 

Mothers and Daughters 

Women of China 

Women as Healers 

Native American Women 

Women in Management 



(Helene Guttman) 
(Betye Saar) 
(Harriet Gross) 
(Roberta Bear) 
(Bridget Marsh) 
(Bethe Hagens) 

(June Patton ) 



(Joan Lewis) 

(Lynn Thomas Strauss) 
(Li Zhongxiu) 
(Suzanne Palmer) 
(Clara Sue Kid well) 
(Marilyn Fishbach) 



OVERSTOCK SALE! ! ! $1.00 

The following back issues are in good supply. $1 each. 



Vol. 8, No. 2 


Vol. 8, 


No. 4 


Vol. 9, 


No. 1 


Vol. 9, 


No. 4 


Vol.10, No. 1 


Vol.1 ; 


No. 2 


Vol.10, 


No. 3 


Vol.10, No. 4 


Vol.11, 


No. 1 


Vol.11, 


No. 2 


Vol.11, 


No. 3 


Vol.12, 


No. 1 



Belles Lettres 

New Voices 

Pentimento 

Photography 

Toward Planethood 

Soviet Women 

GAIA: The Living Planet 

Life Stories 

Men and Birth 

Swimming Upstream: Managing Disabilities 

Crossing the Mainstream 

Visions and Connections: 1492-1992 



(Susan Griffin) 
(Barbara Wallston) 
(Pat Gardner) 

(Sharon Tennison) 



(Art Schmaltz and David Matteson) 

(Judy Panko Reis) 

(Nancy Seale Osborne and Barbara Gerber) 



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